"Top Chef" aftermath: It's a tie!

Technically, rookie contestant Evan Siegle dominated Channel Surfing's second annual "Top Chef" Power Rankings. But fitting for a show based in Las Vegas, it's a harsh reality to learn that you're only as good as your last hand.

So while Evan's pick of Bryan Voltaggio was certainly a bold one, Mary Rozwadowski called his bluff and chose mean brother Michael to bring home the bacon.

Since everyone else picked Kevin (that'll teach us to pick with our hearts!), it's an unprecedented result for our Power Rankings tally. Thanks to Michael's victory, the 20 points vaulted Mary into a first place tie with Evan.

Hot dog. We have two weiners!

Also, so what if the jerk store called and they're running out of Michael Voltaggio? Today, that Tony Hawk look-a-like at right (uncomfortably posing like he's a member of the Backstreet Boys) is still celebrating his Wednesday night "Top Chef" victory.

With a commitment to creativity that knocked off his mopey, emotionless sibling and a choke-tastic Kevin (who couldn't even deliver on his trademark pork dish), Michael eked out a win during a somewhat less than stellar finale.

While the episode was solid in terms of the actual challenge, the addition of Michael and Bryan's mother -- particularly at the end during the deliberate Kevin send-away -- was a crummy made-for-TV move that made me question Bravo's motives the entire time. Also, while Ash proved a decent sous chef for Kevin, getting saddled with a crappy prep cook like Preeti really messed with Big Red's game early on.

Would it have been better to go with the usual track and have the last three sliced contestants serve as sous chefs? Or would that have screwed over the person who landed Robin?

Tough break, either way.

Regardless of our rooting interests in a Kevin victory, Michael certainly came to play this season. Congrats on his victory, and congrats to Evan and Mary for a shared victory. A Gladware gift basket for both of them.

Until next season.

-- Thomas Rozwadowski, trozwado@greenbaypressgazette.com

"Top Chef" Finale: Jolly Kevin vs. the Voltaggios

Though the blizzard of the century continues to dump snow on my driveway and un-plowed street, it's also kinda nice to be at home posting this "Top Chef" blog as the season plays in marathon form on Bravo.

Hey, look, there's Fatty McLipRing and her heaving sun cleavage! Oh man, remember that wacky time Mattin couldn't make French food even though he's ... French? And who could forget the delicious he-she tandem of Preeti and Ashley (well, if you ate their food, you'd probably want to forget them.)

It's been a long, fun season, but as many of us expected from the very beginning, it was always going to be Kevin and the Voltaggios battling it out for the crown. Billed as the most competitive season in "Top Chef" history, it's evident that the cream of a top-heavy crop plans to finish what they started. No matter who wins, tonight should definitely make up for last season's "meh" finale with Hosea, Stefan and Carla.

With Jen bowing out last week, our Power Rankings continue to get feisty. Evan remains in the lead with 47 followed by Boyd, 33; Adam, 32; T-Roz, 32; Ms. Q, 31; Mary, 27; Kelly, 22, and MJ, 17.

In essence, Evan gets bragging rights for winning the regular season in convincing fashion. But these aren't your grandpa's Power Rankings, so as we did last year, it's time to up the ante for the big finale.

Here are the new rules for this one-game playoff:

50 points if you name all three contestants in correct order AND name a main ingredient/component that's used in the winning contestant's final dishes (you can be as generic as duck or as specific as jicama)

30 points if you name all three contestants in correct order

20 points if you only name the Top Chef

Now you know the rules. It's time to sharpen the knives and move all chips to center.

3. Kevin
2. Michael
1. Bryan

Ingredient: Foie gras

Why Bryan will win: First, all three chefs are amazing and maybe this isn't the right logic considering the way it's been played. But I think that Bryan is the most consistent chef with the best technique. Kevin is too simple and safe. Michael is just too cocky and risky. I think Bryan will win because of technique, taste and being the best all-around chef.

-- Evan Siegle

3. Mean Brother (aka: Michael Voltaggio)
2. Nice Brother (aka: Bryan Voltaggio)
1. Gingey the Beardo (aka: Kevin Gillespie)

Ingredient: Lamb

Why Kevin will win: Sure, I get it ... Bryan’s got a kid at home and he wants to make him proud ... and ensure all this time away from him wasn’t time wasted, blah, blah, blah. Kevin deserves to win. I’m sorry but the Ginge has been on fire -- no pun intended -- or perhaps intended. Firebeard is the best chef hands-down because he takes simple (or what Michael would call “off-day”) food and blows it up in your mouth. And yes, that IS what she said.

His style of cooking is a style that anyone could relate to – simple cooking can be crazy good with the right attention to detail and the right chef. Michael needs the glitz and glitter because his food probably isn’t much without the "wow" factor. Sure, he can use liquid nitrogen, cook an egg to eggsactly 63 degrees Fahrenheit and foie gras with one hand behind his back, but he’s not willing to admit Beardy’s Flavor Flav on simple food might knock him out of the park. C’mon Gingey-poo – you got this.

-- Sara Boyd

3. Bryan
2. Michael
1. Kevin

Ingredient: Cabbage

Why Kevin will win: I have no real reasons to predict Kevin's victory, other than he's the only one of the three I like. So I'll just quote one of my favorite movies, "Hot Fuzz": "He had one thing you haven't got." "What's that, sir?" "A GREAT, BIG, BUSHY BEARD!"

-- Adam Reinhard

3. Bryan
2. Michael
1. Kevin

Ingredient: Sweet potato

Why Kevin will win: Bravo couldn't have asked for a better result than last week's Elimination Challenge win by Bryan. It gives Captain Valium a nice shot of confidence heading into the finale against two overwhelming (at least in my opinion) favorites. But that'll have to be Bryan's consolation prize, because this has always been a two-horse race. As I've previously written, Kevin is this year's Stephanie -- confident, consistent and just darn good. He also probably has the most Elimination Challenge wins, which proves time and time again that he can knock an entire meal out of the park. Michael, on the other hand, is a bit of a one or two-dish wonder, Like Blaiser and Stefan before him, he'll probably have the best dish of the night. But because he just can't get that brain to stop working, he'll likely overextend himself and make some major errors in the name of creativity. Consistency always wins in the finale, and while Bryan shows impressive technique, he's not in Kevin's league. Plus, Michael has been a jerk to Big Red all season and karma ... well, it's a beast, to put it politely.

-- Thomas Rozwadowski

3. Bryan V.
2. Mikey V.
1. Kevin

Why Kevin will win: As much as I'd love to give the nod to one of the dueling Voltaggios (just for the drama), I think our favorite jolly lumberjack will pull out one more victory to end this high-stakes season. Kevin has been stellar throughout the competition, using his culinary know-how to wow the judges in challenge after challenge. Jerkface Mike has gotten up in Kevin's bidness about cooking too simply, but clearly it's worked for him time and again. Kevin knows his flavor profiles and doesn't feel he has to prove anything with over-the-top technique or weird molecular gastronomy. He cooks best when he stays true to himself, which I believe can carry him through the finale. Look for the winning recipe to contain halibut, mostly because it's the first thing I thought of (and because Google tells me it's considered sustainable, a big plus for our boy). Game on!

-- Kelly McBride

3. In this corner, we have Boring Brother Bryan
2. In this corner, we have Eeeeevil Brother Mike
1. And on Top, we have Lummmmmmberjack Kevin! (who will use some pork tenderloin)

Why Kevin will win: Let's be honest, I've got nothing to lose right now because I'm pretty much the Robin of these rankings, but I've always had a feeling that only Kevin could walk away with the title of Top Chef. No matter how much Bravo tried to make the sibling rivalry between Bryan and Mike the focal point of the competition, Kevin has always outperformed them. True, he may not be as wacky or out-of-the-box as either of the Voltaggio brothers in his dishes, but he knows how to cook and he knows when to experiment. Call it playing it safe, if you want. I call it pure talent. "Top Chef" isn't a prize for innovation -- it's a prize for good cooking and tasty food. With that in mind, I'm on Team Kevin. Let's go, BEARD!

-- Malavika Jagannathan

The final four: "Top Chef" power rankings

Another week off meant another week to forget who made the "Top Chef" final four and who got dumped like a bad plate of stuffing prior to the Thanksgiving holiday.

Ah, but how could we forget Eli -- or Fatty Costello for all eternity, thanks to Ms. Quarter's delightful nickname. It was pretty much a given that he was next to go once "Top Chef" revealed that Eli had a connection to Richard Blais. You don't sit on that kind of information all season and randomly release it unless someone is set to pack their bags. Way to telegraph that move, Bravo.

Anyway, it's onto the final four in Napa Valley. Jen bounced back with a Quickfire win two weeks ago, but Kevin pulled out another Elimination Challenge victory -- much to the chagrin of Mikey "I make fancy-pants dishes in my sleep" Voltaggio. Only two more episodes left ... and chances to catch Evan (you know, unless we toss in a delicious last-minute wrinkle like last year ... muwahahahahaha).

How it all shakes out: Evan, 41; Adam, 31; Boyd, 27; T-Roz, 26; Ms. Q, 25; Mary, 21; Kelly, 21; MJ, 16.

1. Michael V.
2. Kevin
3. Bryan
4. Jen

-- Evan Siegle

1. Kevin
2. Michael
3. Jennifer
4. Bryan

-- Adam Reinhard

1. The Ginge
2. Non-Prick Voltaggio (Bryan)
3. Prick Voltaggio (Michael)
4. Ventriloquist Jennifer

-- Sara Boyd

1. Michael V.
2. Kevin
3. Bryan
4. Jen

-- Thomas Rozwadowski

1. Kevin
2. Jen
3. Mikey
4. Bryan

-- Kelly McBride

1. Kevin
2. Michael V.
3. Jen
4. Bryan V.

-- Malavika Jagannathan

Week 8: "Top Chef" Power Rankings

Talky Talk Robin couldn't talk herself out of elimination last week.

Can I get a Hallelujah?

FINALLY, the thinning field has purged itself of one of "Top Chef's" worst contestants in recent memory. Now, it's a five horse race -- with Eli and Jen fighting for table scraps while Bryan blandly serves as the third wheel to a potentially epic showdown between Big Red Kevin and Michael "I Make Snide Comments Behind Kevin's Back" Voltaggio.

Should be good.

As for our Power Rankings, Evan solidified his top spot by nabbing 10 points, while Adam jumped into second, at least providing Mr. Siegle with some competition down the stretch. How it all shakes out: Evan, 36; Adam, 26; Boyd, 22; Ms. Q, 20; T-Roz, 16; Mary, 11; Kelly, 11; MJ, 6.

1. Michael V.
2. Kevin Gillespie
3. Bryan V.
4. Jen Carroll
5. Eli Kirshtein

-- Evan Siegle

1. Mike
2. Kevin
3. Bryan
4. Jen
5. Eli

-- Adam Reinhard

1. Kevin Gillespie, aka: The Ginge
2. Michael Voltaggio, aka: Chef Slim Shady, aka: Tony Hawk
3. Bryan "I do not smile. ever." Voltaggio
4. Eli "Seriously Jewish" Kirshtein
5. Jennifer "I don't move my mouth when I talk" Carroll

-- Sara Boyd

1. Kevin
2. Michael V.
3. Bryan
4. Jen
5. Eli

-- Thomas Rozwadowski

1. Lumberjack Kevin
2. Badass Mike
3. Bryan V.
4. Jenny Jen
5. Eli

-- Kelly McBride

1. Kevin
2. Michael V.
3. Jen
4. Bryan V.
5. Eli

-- Malavika Jagannathan

Week 6: "Top Chef" Power Rankings

Laurine who?

Because of last week's team Quickfire win, the almighty Power Ranking judges panel chose to only give points if the top three on an individual list were part of the winning team. Only Kelly picked up a point.

Meanwhile, Evan scored again thanks to Michael V. walking away with best-of-all-time Restaurant Wars honors, but the ever-feisty Ms. Q kept pace by being the lone contestant to pick Laurine (seriously, who the hell is she?) to pack her bags. Adam also grabbed five for picking the villainous Voltaggio for the top spot.

How it all shakes out: Evan, 26; Ms. Q, 20; Boyd, 11; T-Roz, 11; Mary, 11; Adam, 10; MJ, 6; Kelly, 6.

Onto this week's rankings.

1. Michael V.
2. Bryan V.
3. Michael Isabella
4. Jen Carroll
5. Kevin Gillespie
6. Robin Leventhal
7. Eli Kirshtein

-- Evan Siegle

1. Kevin Gillespie, aka: Zach Galifianakis
2. Bryan "I do not smile. ever." Voltaggio
3. Michael Voltaggio, aka: Chef Slim Shady, aka: Tony Hawk
4. Jennifer "I don't move my mouth when I talk" Carroll
5. Michael "Jagga bombs!" Isabella
6. Eli "Seriously Jewish" Kirshtein
7. Robin "I give up – you should, too" Leventhal

-- Sara Boyd

1. Bryan Revolt
2. Michael Revolt
3. Misogynist Mike
4. Big Red Kevin
5. 867-5309 Jenny
6. Jewwy Jewerson Eli
7. Robin Must Never Be Moved From This Spot

-- Thomas Rozwadowski

1. Kevin
2. Jen
3. Michael V.
4. Bryan V.
5. Michael I.
6. Eli
7. About cussin' time

-- Adam Reinhard

1. Brother Bryan
2. Jen
3. Misogynist Mike
4. Brother Mike
5. Kevin
6. Eli
7. Robin

-- Malavika Jagannathan

1. Jenny Jen
2. Mike V.
3. Bryan V.
4. Kevin
5. Mike I
6. Eli
7. Robin

-- Kelly McBride

Week 5: "Top Chef" Power Rankings

What more can be said about Apathetic Ash?

A seemingly well-liked house mate with a good sense of humor throughout, Ash's blase nature these last few weeks also proved extremely annoying.

I mean, can you imagine being Biggie Smalls Ron or He-She Ashley and getting sent home before this kitchen clod? Two weeks in a row, Jim Gaffigan Jr. failed to put stock in his own meager abilities -- the final dagger coming after he admitted changing his dish at the last second -- again! -- only to use a Mike Isabella idea he was ill equipped to execute.

This when one of the judges labeled Laurine's dish "cat food."

You lost to cat food, dude. Not good.

Sadly, No-Confidence Ash seems resigned to playing second fiddle as sous chef for awhile. He's a classic case of "just happy to be here." Oh well, it's back to rinsing paintbrushes for you. Or heating up Hot Pockets.

As for this week's standings, Evan kept his hot streak going, but Ms. Q, despite a minor glitch in posting, isn't terribly far behind. The overall tally: Evan, 21; Ms. Q, 15; Boyd, 11; T-Roz, 11; MJ, 6; Kelly, 6; and Adam, 5.

1. Michael "Maverick" V.
2. Kevin "Grizzly" Gillespie
3. Bryan "Goose" V.
4. Jen Carroll
5. Michael "I'm a Tool" Isabella
6. Eli Kirshtein
7. Laurine Wickett
8. Robin Leventhal

-- Evan Siegle

1. Bryan "I do not smile. ever." Voltaggio
2. Jennifer "I don't move my mouth when I talk" Carroll
3. Kevin Gillespie, aka: Zach Galifianakis
4. Michael Voltaggio, aka: Chef Slim Shady, aka: Tony Hawk
5. Michael "Jagga bombs!" Isabella
6. Eli "Seriously Jewish" Kirshtein
7. The chick who's name I will NEVER remember (aka: Laurine)
8. Robin "Seriously, why are you still here???" Leventhal

-- Sara Boyd

1. Jen
2. Kevin
3. Michael V.
4. Bryan V.
5. Mike I.
6. Eli
7. Laurine
8. Robin

-- Thomas Rozwadowski

1. Bryan V.
2. Michael V.
3. Kevin
4. Jennifer
5. Mike Isabella
6. Laurine
7. Eli
8. Robin

-- Malavika Jagannathan

1. Mike I.
2. Jen
3. Kevin
4. Eli
5. Mike V.
6. Robin
7. Laurine
8. Bryan

-- Kelly McBride

1. Michael V.
2. Bryan
3. Jennifer
4. Kevin
5. Michael I.
6. Eli
7. Laurine
8. Robin

-- Adam Reinhard

"Project Runway" rankings and more Nee-nah Gahcia

Oh, thank the fashion gods. The fabulous Nee-nah Gah-cia is back on the judging panel for "Project Runway" and will hopefully prevent the continued elimination of talented designers. Garcia and Michael Kors have been M.I.A. for much of this season, which is fine except there's little consistency on the judging panel beyond Heidi Klum, leading to a ill-deserved win for Nicholas' Tilda Swinton dress, Ra'mon's auf'ing and the unbelievable tragedy that was Logan's pants last week.

In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Garcia admits she disagreed with Ra'mon's elimination and would never have given Nicholas a win for his ice queen mess (finally! some vindication!). Regardless, the "PR" crew we know and love -- Heidi Klum, Garcia and Kors -- will be reunited tonight and hopefully, cross-your-fingers here, prevent any more fashion disasters from getting a pass.

With Epperson's ill-fated Oktoberfest-related departure last week, we are left with fewer and fewer talented designers to choose from. But try we will. We missed last week of rankings, but since we're all at 0 points, it's no big deal.

1. Carol Hannah
2. Christopher
3. Shirin
4. Irina
5. Gordana
6. Althea
7. Logan
8. Nicolas

--Malavika Jagannathan, mjaganna@greenbaypressgazette.com

1. Althea
2. Carol Hannah
3. Christopher
4. Irina
5. Shirin
6. Gordana
7. Logan
8. Nicolas

--Sara Boyd

1. Shirin
2. Irina
3. Carol Hannah
4. Althea
5. Christopher
5. Logan
6. Gordana
7. Nicholas (oh pleasepleasepleaseplease)

--Kelly McBride, kmcbride@greenbaypressgazette.com

"Project Runway" airs tonight at 9 p.m. on Lifetime. As always, feel free to leave us your thoughts!

Week 4: "Top Chef" Power Rankings

Even though Bravo messed with our routine by taking a week off, the unannounced move didn't ruin Evan Siegle's winning streak.

Our newest "power ranker" scored another five points after picking Sickly Jen to win the Elimination Challenge. Also picking Jen: Adam, MJ and Ms. Q.

Finally, Evan, Sara, Thomas, MJ and Kelly all grabbed a point for picking Lumberjack Kevin in the Quickfire ... so no more zeroes.

As for He-She Ashley, after stringing together a few solid outings, her gnocchi got her gnocked out of the competition. Get it? Gnocked? Gnocchi. Ah, forget it.

Ashley, you were one of the more memorable "Top Chef" contestants in recent memory. Unfortunately, that has nothing to do with your food and everything to do with your resemblance to a young Paul Westerberg from the Replacements. "Closer than you know, love each other so ... androgynous." Sing it with me, 'Mats fans!

Also, as a tasty bonus, Thomas Rozwadowski spoke with Season Five "Top Chef" winner (and newly christened Channel Surfing favorite, ahem) Hosea Rosenberg this morning. Hosea will be in Wisconsin next week at the Kohler Food & Wine Experience along with Jacques Pepin, Andrew Zimmern, Marcus Samuelsson and Lidia Matticchio Bastianich. Look for that interview in the coming days.

How it all shakes out: Evan, 16; Ms. Q, 10; Sara, 6; Thomas, 6; MJ, 6; Mary, 6; Adam, 5; Kelly, 1.

Onto the rankings!

1. Kevin "Grizzly" Gillespie
2. Jen Carroll
3. Michael "Maverick" V.
4. Bryan "Goose" V.
5. Michael "I'm a Tool" Isabella
6. Eli Kirshtein
8. Laurine Wickett
9. Ash Fulk
10. Robin Leventhal

-- Evan Siegle

1. Kevin Gillespie, aka: Zach Galifianakis
2. Jennifer "I don't move my mouth when I talk" Carroll
3. Michael Voltaggio, aka: Chef Slim Shady, aka: Tony Hawk
4. Bryan "I do not smile. ever." Voltaggio
5. Michael "Jagga bombs!" Isabella
6. Eli "Seriously Jewish" Kirshtein
7. The chick who's name I will NEVER remember (aka: Laurine)
8. Ash Fulk, more like Ass... nevermind
9. Robin "Seriously, I hate you" Leventhal

-- Sara Boyd

1. Michael "Picasso didn't know how to cook fish, either" Voltaggio
2. Kevin "I don't need no stinkin' immunity" Gillespie
3. Jen "I probably gave Tyler Florence the swine flu when I kissed him" Carroll
4. Bryan "Don't talk about my brother or I get extra cranky" Voltaggio
5. Mike "El Douche" Isabella
6. Laurine "What did I do to deserve being in the top four last episode?" Wickett
7. Eli "I still hate people with cancer" Kirshtein
8. Robin "Look, a blue car just went by!" Leventhal
9. Ash "I probably should be cleaning paintbrushes for a living" Fulk

-- Thomas Rozwadowski

1. Bryan V.
2. Michael V.
3. Kevin
4. Jennifer
5. Mike Isabella
6. Laurine
7. Eli
8. Ash
9. Robin

-- Malavika Jagannathan

1. Michael "I'm only guessing this was the brother on the bottom last week" V.
2. Bryan
3. Jennifer
4. Kevin
5. Michael "I can do everything by myself except not be a douche" I.
6. Eli
7. Laurine
8. Wally McPaintbrush Rinser
9. Robin

-- Adam Reinhard

1. Jennifer
2. Kevin
3. Bryan
4. Mikey V.
5. Mikey I.
6. Eli
7. Robin
8. Laurine
9. Ash

-- Kelly McBride

"Top Chef" Power Rankings Week 3... Redux

So, umm, thanks for that rerun last week, Bravo.

Anyway, it looks like this week's episode is brand spanking new, so we'll be able to get our "Top Chef" kicks. You can find all our rankings from last week here.

Just to recap where we stand in the rankings: Evan continues to dominate with 10 points. Mary is a sort of close second with 6 points. Sara, Thomas and Ms. Q all have 5 points. Everyone else is still proudly carrying the zero banner.

"Top Chef" airs (hopefully) at 9 p.m. tonight.

--Malavika Jagannathan, mjaganna@greenbaypressgazette.com

"Project Runway" Power Rankings

Fashion fans, get your drawing pencils ready... we're bringing the weekly power rankings for "Project Runway" back. And by "back," we mean finding an excuse to rank more contestants in another reality show.

This year we'll use our trusty "Top Chef" power rankings system and award points based on correctly predicting the winner and loser every week.

The premise is simple: Rank your designers from top to bottom. If your number one person wins, you get 5 points. If your number two person wins, you get 3. If you correctly predict the loser, you get 3 points.

Can't remember who's who? Check out the designers here. Please vote in the comments below!


1. Christopher
2. Epperson
3. Carol Hannah
4. Shirin
5. Irina
6. Althea
7. Logan
8. Nicolas
9. Louise
10. Gordana

--Malavika Jagannathan, mjaganna@greenbaypressgazette.com

1. Shirin
2. Christopher
3. Irina
4. Carol Hannah
5. Althea
6. Epperson
7. Gordana
8. Logan
9. Nicholas
10. Louise

--Kelly McBride

1. Christopher
2. Althea
3. Shirin
4. Carol Hannah
5. Irina
6. Logan
7. Epperson
8. Gordana
9. Louise
10. Nicolas

--Sara Boyd

"Project Runway" airs tonight at 9 p.m. on Lifetime.

Week 3: "Top Chef" Power Rankings

Oddly, my handy dandy AT&T guide does not list a new episode of "Top Chef" this week. So either something is screwy on my end or Padma and Co. are taking the week off to show a repeat of the Penn & Teller episode. Blimey!

Either way, Robin shocked the world last week by not only staving off elimination, but doing it with immunity from the Quickfire. Score one for the cancer survivor.

Fate, however, did not smile kindly on Biggie Smalls Ron, who dropped a few dope rhymes for his Haitian brethren, but ultimately got capped like a fellow Big Poppa before him.

If indeed this is an off week, Evan's going to have to hope his hot streak carries the same sizzle in October. He was the only person to place Ron at the bottom, giving him a total of 10 points and the lead. Sara, Thomas and Ms. Q also nabbed 5 points thanks to Big Red Kevin's Elimination win. Mary still sits in second with six points while Kelly, MJ and Adam remain huge, huge losers. They may as well get lip rings and call it a day.

Onto this week's (or next week's) rankings:

1. Jen Carroll
2. Michael "Maverick" V.
3. Kevin "Grizzly" Gillespie
4. Bryan "Goose" V.
5. Michael "I'm a Tool" Isabella
6. Eli Kirshtein
7. Ashley Merriman
8. Laurine Wickett
9. Robin Leventhal
10. Ash Fulk

-- Evan Siegle, 10 points

1. Michael "Deconstruction is my middle name" Voltaggio
2. "I'm so good, someone might want to check to see if I have a penis" Jen Carroll
3. Kevin "I have an awesome red beard and you don't" Gillespie
4. Bryan "I may have smiled last episode" Voltaggio
5. Eli "I hate people with cancer" Kirshtein
6. Michael "I miss Mattin, but not in a gay way" Isabella
7. Ashley "I'm not really a dark horse, just extremely lucky that the three people beneath me are far worse chefs" Merriman
8. Robin "I'll stay on another week to cause some drama. Can I have my handkerchief now?" Leventhal
9. Laurine "Yes mom, I'm still on the show" Wickett
10. Ash "I'm just happy to be able to turn on an oven" Fulk

-- Thomas Rozwadowski, 5 points

1. Kevin Gillespie, aka: Zach Galifianakis
2. Jennifer "I don't move my mouth when I talk" Carroll
3. Bryan "I do not smile. Ever." Voltaggio
4. Michael Voltaggio, aka: Chef Slim Shady, aka: Tony Hawk
5. Eli "Seriously Jewish" Kirshtein
6. Ashley "Ben Kweller/Young Bob Dylan" Merriman
7. Michael "Jagga bombs!" Isabella
8. Ash Fulk, more like Ass... nevermind
9. The chick who's name I will NEVER remember (aka: Laurine)
10. Robin "Seriously, I hate you" Leventhal

-- Sara Boyd, 5 points

1. Michael "Humdrum" Voltaggio
2. Jennifer "Kitchen Boss" Carroll
3. Kevin "Bunyan" Gillespie
4. Bryan "Drab and Dreary" Voltaggio
5. Ashley "He-She" Merriman
6. Mike "Misogyny" Isabella
7. Eli "Blazer's Sous Chef" Kirshtein
8. Robin "Salad and Cobbler" Leventhal
9. Ash "Skin of his teeth" Fulk
10. Laurine "Seriously, who?" Wickett

-- Kelly McBride, zero points

(If the Top Cheffers were Dick Tracy villains ...)

1. Mumbles Malone (Jennifer)
2. The Squat Semite (Eli)
3. Bland Face (Bryan)
4. Fur Neck (Kevin)
5. Bland Face Jr. (Mike V.)
6. Comb Killer (Ashley)
7. Danny Douche (Mike I.)
8. 5-Hour Energy (Laurine) (Cuz her name sounds like taurine, get it?)
9. The Cockroach (Robin)
10. The Gargantuan Head (Ash)

-- Adam Reinhard, zero points

1. Jennifer
2. Bryan "Stop Wearing Your Baseball Hat Because I Can't Tell You Apart From Your Brother Otherwise" Voltaggio
3. "I'm A Lumberjack and I'm OK" Kevin
4. "Exploding Pressure Cooker Extraordinaire" Eli
5. Michael "I am so passionate about food... zzzzzzzzzz" Voltaggio
6. "I Am Man/Woman, Hear Me Roar" Ashley
7. "I've Run Out of Things To Mock Your Name With" Laurine
8. "Jim Gaffigan/John C. Reilly weep profusely" Ash
9. Mike "Girly Last Name" Isabella
10. "Check Out My Salad and Apple Crisp... oh and I have Cancer" Robin

-- Malavika Jagannathan, zero points

Week 2: "Top Chef" Power Rankings

The weak continue to be devoured by the strong, with Bo-ring Bryan Voltaggio earning his second straight Elimination Challenge win while the customary collection of "Top Chef" losers blandly stood by.

Chief among them, Mattin, who probably should have gone home the previous week after failing to properly cook French food. Fashionable ascots and a striking resemblance to Tintin will only carry you so far.

As for our standings after one week of competition, in first place sits Mary (Thomas' wife and Channel Surfing devotee), with six points. In second with five, newcomer Evan Siegle. The rest of the pack settles at the bottom with big, fat zeroes.

Onto this week's picks. Rules refresher is here if you're joining late.

Remember to leave your picks in the comments section!

1. Michael “Maverick” V.
2. Kevin “Grizzly Adams” Gillespie
3. Jen Carroll
4. Bryan “Goose” V.
5. Michael “I’m a tool” Isabella
6. Eli Kirshtein
7. Ash Fulk
8. Ashley Merriman
9. Laurine Wickett
10. Robin L.
11. Ron “Rata-tat-tat” Duprat

-- Evan Siegle, 5 points

1. Misogynist Mikey
2. Bryan "Snoozeville" Voltaggio
3. Ashley (the dark horse?)
4. Michael "I bleed boredom" Voltaggio
5. Kevin the jolly lumberjack
6. Jennifer
7. Eli
8. Ash
9. Ron
10. Robin
11. Laurine

-- Kelly McBride, zero points

1. Kevin Gillespie, aka: Zach Galifianakis
2. Jennifer “I don't move my mouth when I talk” Carroll
3. Michael Voltaggio, aka: Chef Slim Shady, aka: Tony Hawk
4. Bryan “I do not smile. Ever.” Voltaggio
5. Eli “Seriously Jewish” Kirshtein
6. Ash Fulk, more like Ass... nevermind
7. Michael “Jagga bombs!” Isabella
8. Ashley “Ben Kweller/Young Bob Dylan” Merriman
9. Ron “Michael Clarke Duncan” Duprat
10. The chick who's name I will NEVER remember (aka: Laurine)
11. Robin “Seriously, I hate you” Leventhal

-- Sara Boyd, zero points

1. Jennifer
2. Kevin
3. Brother Mike
4. Laurine
5. Ash
6. Eli
7. Brother Bryan
8. Misogynist Mike
9. He-She Ashley
10. Ron
11. Robin

-- Malavika Jagannathan, zero points

1. "Big Red" Kevin
2. Michael Voltaggio
3. Jewwy Jewerson Eli
4. Bryan "The Human Valium" Voltaggio
5. Dopey Face Jen
6. Misogynist Mike
7. Laurine
8. Big Gay He-She Ashley
9. Big Gay Ash
10. Biggie Smalls Ron
11. Bye Bye Robin

-- Thomas Rozwadowski, zero points

1. Bland cheftestant #1 (Michael V.)
2. Bland cheftestant #2 (Bryan)
3. Bland cheftestant #3 (Kevin)
4. Bland cheftestant #4 (Jennifer)
5. Bland cheftestant #5 (Michael I.)
6. Bland cheftestant #6 (Eli)
7. Bland cheftestant #7 (Laurine)
8. Bland cheftestant #8 (Ron)
9. Bland cheftestant #9 (Ash)
10. Bland cheftestant #10 (Ashley)
11. Bland cheftestant #11 (Robin)

-- Adam Reinhard, zero points

"Top Chef" airs at 9 p.m. Thursday on Bravo.

"Top Chef" Power Rankings are back!

The sun has set on Jesse and her tattooed cleavage. Alas, Hector has to return home secure in the knowledge that he cannot properly cook or cut meat.

Several ugly weeds have been pulled from the "Top Chef" garden of eatin', which means it's finally time for Channel Surfing's annual power poll of deliciousness.

Rules are same as last year: Rank all the remaining contestants from top to bottom. If someone in your top three wins the Quickfire this week, you get a point. If your No. 1 seed wins the Elimination Challenge, you get 5 points. Each week, you also have to designate someone to sit at the bottom, and if that person is eliminated, you also get 5 points.

New to the festivities this year: Press-Gazette photojournalist and avid foodie, Evan Siegle (in both hair and talent, he's like the Richard Blais of our photo staff.) Winner gets bragging rights and a free Channel Surfing neck tattoo courtesy of Press-Gazette editorial cartoonist Joe Heller (OK, maybe not).

Can't remember what happened last season: Blog reader Livin' La Vida Dusty grabbed the crown in the final week after being the only person to correctly pick the entire order -- Hosea, Stefan, Carla -- netting him a whopping 25 points. Up until that point, Kelly McBride and Thomas Rozwadowski were deadlocked at 29 points (Kelly picked Stefan, Thomas went with Crazy Eyes Carla).

Now, let the ranking begin! Trash talk, as always, is highly recommended.

1. Michael V, you bore me
2. Jennifer
3. Kevin the jolly lumberjack
4. Misogynist Mike
5. Bryan
6. Eli
7. Ash
8. Ron
9. Robin
10. Mattin
11. Laurine
12. Ashley

-- Kelly McBride

1. Michael Vottaggio, aka: Chef Slim Shady, aka: Tony Hawk
2. Kevin Gillespie, aka: Zach Galifianakis
3. Jennifer “someone needs braces” Carroll
4. Bryan “I do not smile ever” Voltaggio
5. Eli “Seriously Jewish” Kirshtein
6. Ash Fulk, more like As... nevermind
7. Michael “Jagga bombs!” Isabella
8. Ashley “Ben Kweller/Young Bob Dylan” Merriman
9. Mattin “red scarf = French” Noblia
10. Ron “Michael Clarke Duncan” Duprat
11. Laurine "So forgettable, I initially left her off this list" Wickett
12. Robin “She’s still on?” Leventhal

-- Sara Boyd

1. Jennifer
2. Kevin aka Lumberjack
3. Bryan, the boring-er brother
4. Ash (aka if John C. Reilly and Jim Gaffigan mated)
5. Misogynist Mike
6. Brother Mike
7. Eli (Jonah Hill)
8. Robin
9. Laurine
10. Ron
11. Mattin
12. HE-SHE ASHLEY

-- Malavika Jagannathan

1. Kevin Gillespie
2. Michael V.
3. Bryan V.
4. Eli Kirshtein
5. Jen Carroll
6. Ron Duprat
7. Ash Fulk
8. Robin Leventhal
9. Michael Isabella
10. Laurine Wickett
11. Ashley Merriman
12. Mattin Noblia

-- Evan Siegle

1. "Big Red" Kevin
2. Michael Voltaggio, the less bo-ring brother
3. Dopey Face Jen
4. Eli aka "Jewwy Jewerson"
5. Bryan Voltaggio, the more bo-ring brother
6. Misogynist Mike
7. Biggie Smalls Ron
8. Big Gay Ash
9. Big Gay He-She Ashley (Ben Lee/Young Paul Westerberg)
10. Laurine, so forgettable she doesn't deserve a nickname
11. Mattin, the Frenchy who can't make French food
12. Talky Talk Robin

-- Thomas Rozwadowski

1. Jennifer
2. Kevin
3. Michael V.
4. Bryan
5. Michael D. (the D. is for douchebag)
6. Ron
7. Mattin
8. Laurine (What kind of name is that? She sounds like she belongs on the periodic table, right between selenium and bromine.)
9. Eli
10. Ash
11. Ashley
12. Robin

-- Adam Reinhard

Leave your own below! You have until tomorrow's episode begins. And be sure to stay with us every week to keep pace!

It's almost over: Final 'Top Chef' power rankings

As the wise and ever-insightful Nelly Furtado says, "All good things come to an end."

I think someone may have said that before her, but point being -- it's that time. Our joyous lives that were filled with "Top Chef"-goodness are nearly over. Yes, over. For the final "Top Chef" course, we'll be serving sugar-free strawberry twist Kool-Aid with a light rat poison finish.

OK, perhaps that's being a little dramatic but really, once "Top Chef" is over -- so are our Wednesday nights. Between "American Idol" and "Gary Unmarried," I think I'll opt for the Kool-Aid.

But enough about our death wishes caused by a lack of Colicchio and Padma. Let's move on to the New Orleans finale predictions! Hooty-hoo!

As we said last week, the winner of the power rankings, and in life, really, will be decided after this episode. For the finale, the power ranking rules are as follows: All players must rank their chef choices from 1 to 3 (one, being the supremo champion, two the runner-up and three the mayor of Loserville). The player to correctly identify the order of rank will be awarded 25 whopping points! If the order is wrong, but the player still correctly identified the winner, they will receive 10 points. If the player's name is Rozwadowski, he gets negative points for sucking at life. Oops, I mean, what? The Channel Surfers have provided a little explanation in their choosing of numero uno, so any players -- feel free to do the same.

Here's where we're at:

First place, 29 points (tie)
3. Hosea
2. Carla
1. Stefan

I'm sorry, Carla, and in a way I hope I'm wrong. But at the end of the day I think the baby-makin' faux German will get his attitude in check, put away the smokes for half an episode and do something amazing in the finale. He's certainly got the talent, and after having the 'tude scared out of him with a near-miss last episode, I think Stefan will rally with a sprint for the finish. Hosea is talented but boring, and while Carla has been unbelievable these last few episodes, I'm just not sure she can take the crown. That said, I'm still mourning Fabio, so maybe my judgment is clouded. Redemption, thy name is Team Euro.

-- Friend of Channel Surfing, Kelly McBride, kmcbride@greenbaypressgazette.com

(Editor's note: Mr. Roz is on mandated furlough this week, meaning he is not allowed to work. Just to be clear -- he sent this to me last week when he was allowed to be human, er, I mean allowed to work.)

3. Hosea
2. Stefan
1. Carla

Why Carla will win: Every time I've moved Stefan off the top spot, that bald baby-maker has caused me to regret it. While that may also hold true here, I can't ignore the lightning in a bottle phenomenon that seems to be propelling Crazy Eyed Carla's loooooove bus. I'll no longer be surprised if the Ostrich lady pulls it out. She's come THAT far since the definitive challenge that almost had her packing her bags. You'll remember that one: it's where Stefan and Carla both made desserts, and one was smarter than the other in working around a faulty freezer. Everything has changed since that point. The momentum is undeniable, and it's no longer a fluke that Carla is a finalist. She's cooking amazing dishes (even perfect peas, for chrissakes.) She's confident, but not overconfident. She's in the South. Carla ... follow that bird to the "Top Chef" crown. You actually deserve it. Hooty-hooooooo!

-- Thomas Rozwadowski, trozwado@greenbaypressgazette.com

Second place, 24 points
3. Hosea
2. Stefan
1. Carla

Forget talent. These three chefs have all proved to have varying levels of competence and shortcomings. Hosea is a very skilled technician, but lacks creativity. Stefan can cook basically anything, but is lazy, and his cockiness gets in the way of his abilities. Carla is probably the least qualified of the three, but she's got heart, determination, and the sense not to take herself too seriously. Lately the story of "Top Chef: Season 5" has overshadowed the contest, and Carla has emerged as the plucky heroine, destined to take the throne. Stefan is the villain of the story, who always seems to have the upper hand every step of the way ... until the very end, when the forces of good triumph. (Besides, who do you think Diet Dr. Pepper wants pitching their product next season: a bouncy, crazy-haired former model, or the evil, bald Finn? Ba-dow. BA-DOW.)

-- Adam Reinhard, areinhard@greenbaypressgazette.com

Third place, 22 points (Ms. Quarter rolls in at 23 points)
3. Hosea
2. Carla
1. Stefan

Why Stefan makes good babies and will win: It's Stefan's game to lose. It always has been. Sure, he's had a few pitfalls during the last couple of challenges -- and a formidable opponent in Carla in the finale -- but if anyone can roll with the punches, it's Stefan. Carla's good, but her weak point has always been coping with the potential wrenches thrown her way. (Frankly, Hosea doesn't really count because he's just been a non-entity since his lip-lock with Leah). Stefan is calm, he's collected and he's creative. Plus, if Stefan's good enough for Fabio (oh, how we miss you), he's good enough for me.

-- Malavika Jagannathan, mjaganna@greenbaypressgazette.com

Fourth place, 19 points
3. Carla
2. Hosea
1. Stefan

Again, I'm taking a bit of a risk here but I think maybe this time, it'll work. I think ultimately, Stefan is just a better chef. He's cocky and I hate him, but I have to admit, he's the best. The finale challenge is to just "cook a good meal." Having that much freedom can be both a burden and a blessing. A burden in the sense that it's not focused, you don't know what the judges are expecting at all. A blessing because well, it's the opportunity to really show your skills. Stefan has been hit with a rolled-up newspaper just enough that I think he'll try to put his arrogance aside and let the competitor in him shine through that Mr. Clean head of his. As for numero dos, I think Hosea may surprise us. He's been the dark horse and let's be honest, no one likes him after he smooched Leah but I think he wants this really bad -- perhaps bad enough to nail a runner-up spot.

-- Sara Boyd, sboyd2@greenbaypressgazette.com

Others contributing to this splendid "Top Chef" stew: Ms. Quarter, 23 points; ACon, 12 points; Dusty, 13 points; Dilido Fan, 8 points

Submit your power rankings now and don't forget to catch the final episode at 9 p.m. Wednesday on Bravo.

"Top Chef" Power Rankings: Leah Finally Gets Her Nappy Nap

We were going to pen a lengthy farewell to Leah, but it got so tough to come up with anything nice to say that well .... we just decided to give up.

While not a true villain like Lisa, the Cross-Armed Queen of the Damned, the lady who put the Ho in Ho-Leah (OK, and the Leah part) did give our Channel Surfers someone to root against this season.

Yawn. We're getting sleepy just looking at her picture.

Now onto the good stuff ... part one of the "Top Chef" season finale. Fabio finally won. Carla is the comeback kid. Stefan appears vulnerable. Hosea will have to make out with his pillow from now on.

Here's how the point system will go from here:

If you correctly pick both the winner and the loser of this next episode, the pre-final we'll say, you will get a whopping 10 points. Since this next elimination challenge really focuses on the one who's booted New Orleans-style, you will be awarded five points if you've made the right choice for the loser. No points for just the winner, sorry.

Next week, for the BIG finale -- we'll give you 25 POINTS if you can correctly rank the chefs in the order of loser to winner. "Top Chef" typically announces the winner by process of elimination -- so they'll crush one chef's dreams and it'll come down to two. If you only correctly identify the winner, you get 10 points. Basically, this is just our way of trying to knock McBride out of the top spot.

First place, 29 points

1. Stefan the (hopefully still somewhat) invincible
2. Fabio, voted most likely to "cout off my feenger and sear eet on the stove"
3. Crazy Eyed Carla
4. Ho got to GO

-- Friend of Channel Surfing, Kelly McBride, kmcbride@greenbaypressgazette.com

Second place, 24 points (tie)

1. Stefan, who shall never be moved from the top spot again
2. Carla and her perfect peas
3. Hosea survives for reasons unknown
4. Faaaaaaaaaabio (yes, it pains me, but he won't get to make roasted chicken again)

-- Thomas Rozwadowski, trozwado@greenbaypressgazette.com

1. Stefan
2. Carla
3. Fabio
4. Hosea

-- Adam Reinhard, areinhard@greenbaypressgazette.com

Third place, 22 points

1. "I make good babies and overcook salmon" Stefan
2. Not quite America's Next Top Model Carla
3. "Theeees eees a Top Chef not a Top (insert random noun)" Fabio
4. Hosea. No adjectives necessary.

-- Malavika Jagannathan, mjaganna@greenbaypressgazette.com

Fourth place, 19 points
(I'm in last place of the bloggers, might as well have some fun ... )
1. Eeeets-a meee, Faaaaabio, I've got-a craaaazy faux-hawk!
2. I'm too bored with these rankings to put Stefan on top, so "S" is for second and sucky salmon
3. Time to bring out the jetpack under your shell Tortoise Crazy Eyes Carnie Carla
4. Sha-na-na-na, Sha-na-na-na, Ho, Ho, Ho-sea, Goodbye

-- Sara Boyd, sboyd2@greenbaypressgazette.com

Others contributing to this splendid "Top Chef" stew: Ms. Quarter, 18 points; ACon, 12 points; Dusty, 8 points; Dilido Fan, 8 points

"Top Chef" Power Rankings: Jamie Needs a Tanner Family Hug

Tag. I'm back in.

After Kelly McBride so splendidly served as a pinch-hitter during last week's Commercial Interruption -- I'd like to say it was a pile of work keeping me away, but really, I was just embarrassed that I picked Jamie as my chef du jour -- it's onto another week of Pow-Pow-Power Rankings!

First Dilido Jeff. Now DJamie Tanner.

Maybe you had Hosea and Fabio ranked higher than they deserved to be, but on wow factor alone, it appeared our two fallen friends were the best threats to topple the Bald Baby Maker. Now? Well, it's clearly Stefan's contest to lose.

Donna Jo's apathy was clear mid-episode when she continually yawned her way through lunch with Frenchy Frencherson. After they showed our guest judge making the rounds -- without a not-so-subtle stop at Jamie's cooking station for some expert advice -- well, we knew it was the end of Team Rainbow.

(For the record, can anyone name the other two members of Team Rainbow? Wow, what a lame group.)

Also, kudos to ACon for being the only person to put Jamie at the bottom. And what is with Boyd and Adam? Are you guys joined at the hip? Break the tie already!

Onto this week's rankings ... which like Stefan, see Kelly pulling further and further ahead of the pack. But don't let that discourage you. You wouldn't want to quit mid-competition like Leah da Ho, would you?

First place, 29 points

1. Stefan the Magnificant
2. Fabio the Eeeetallion Stallion (if his hand isn't severed)
3. Leah da Ho
4. Ho da Ho
5. Crazy Eyes Carla

-- Friend of Channel Surfing, Kelly McBride, kmcbride@greenbaypressgazette.com

Second place, 19 points

1. Stefan
2. Hosea
3. Faaaaaaaaaabio
4. Crazy Eyes Carla
5. Leah

-- Thomas Rozwadowski, trozwado@greenbaypressgazette.com

Third place, 18 points (tie)

1. Stefan
2. Hosea
3. Carla
4. Fabio
5. Leah

-- Adam Reinhard, areinhard@greenbaypressgazette.com

1. Ho-ho-Ho-sea, Ho-ho-ho-ho, Ho-ho-Ho-sea ... the right stuff (NKOTB, bring it!)
2. Stefan-ie Tanner (I refuse to give up our Full House references just because Jamie's gone)
3. Crazy Eyes, ostrich-spawn Carla
4. I quit, I give up, I can't take it anymore Leah
5. Eeeeets-a-meee, Faaaaabio, minus a finger!

-- Sara Boyd, sboyd2@greenbaypressgazette.com

Fourth place, 16 points

1. Stefan
2. Fabio
3. Carla
4. Hosea
5. Leah

-- Malavika Jagannathan, mjaganna@greenbaypressgazette.com

Others contributing to this splendid "Top Chef" stew: Ms. Quarter, 13 points; ACon, 12 points; Dusty, 7 points; Dilido Fan, 2 points

"Top Chef" Power Rankings: Dilido Jeff Goes Up in Flames

Crazy Eyes Carla kept using nonsensical words. Fabio almost packed up his knives thanks to the Packers. Everyone scored a measly point and stayed static in the rankings.

Yep, last week was one we'd all like to forget.

Then again, after the stunning predictability of Stefan the Unstoppable during the past few Elimination Challenges, a topsy-turvy week might be just what the doctor (pepper?) ordered for our weekly attempt at "Top Chef" power rankage.

After all, fate dealt a far worse blow to Mimbo Jeff, who in an ironic twist, saw his food smarts continually handicap him in the kitchen.

And c'mon, man, don't go bad-mouthing Tom Colicchio on your way out the door. That isn't how Dilido Beach rolls.

Only six chef-testants remain. Wow.

Onto the rankings ...

First place, 23 points

1. Stefan
2. Fabio
3. DJamie Tanner
4. Carla
5. Hosea
6. Leah

-- Friend of Channel Surfing, Kelly McBride, kmcbride@greenbaypressgazette.com

Second place, 18 points

1. Jamie
2. Stefan
3. Faaaaaaaabio
4. Carla
5. Leah
6. Hosea

-- Thomas Rozwadowski, trozwado@greenbaypressgazette.com

Third place, 16 points

1. Jamie
2. Hosea
3. Fabio
4. Stefan
5. Leah
6. Carla

-- Malavika Jagannathan, mjaganna@greenbaypressgazette.com

Fourth place, 12 points (tie)

1. Stefan makes good comebacks (and babies)
2. Carla will never go away
3. Fabio wants-a his second-a chance!
4. I have nothing to say about Jamie
5. Hosea is bald
6. Leah doesn't care about food, and I don't care about Leah

-- Adam Reinhard, areinhard@greenbaypressgazette.com

1. Focus on the food, not the females Stefan
2. Weeeesconseen Greeen Bay Faaaaabio
3. Sneaking along under the radar Jamie DJ Tanner
4. Ho-Ho-Hosea
5. Crazy Eyes Carla
6. Time to go back to the mad boyfriend Leah

-- Sara Boyd, sboyd2@greenbaypressgazette.com

Others contributing to this splendid "Top Chef" stew: Ms. Quarter, 12 points; ACon, 6 points; Dusty, 1 point; and Dilido Fan, 1 point.

"Top Chef" Power Rankings: The Phoenix-like rise of Sara Boyd

It's somewhat ironic that Sara Boyd was so anti-Ariane seeing as how she appears to be learning a thing or two from the now-disposed deviled egg-maker.

Just as "Top Chef's" cougar du jour dug herself out of an early hole, a 10-point week by Boyd has catapulted her into a fourth place tie with Adam Reinhard and Channel Surfing Commenter of the Year, Ms. Quarter. Can Boyd keep this comeback a-churning? Or was her rise to respectability -- as opposed to being dead stinkin' last -- a one-week anomaly that'll leave her crashing back down to Ariane-like reality with the return of soup-making Spike and foul-mouthed Andrew this week?

Also, so long Radhika. May your enthusiasm for high-quality restaurant service carry you ... zzzzzzzz.

Onto this week's rankings!

First place, 22 points

1. Mimbo Jeff
2. Fabio
3. Stefan
4. DJamie Tanner
5. Hosea
6. Leah
7. Carla

-- Friend of Channel Surfing, Kelly McBride, kmcbride@greenbaypressgazette.com

Second place, 17 points

1. Stefan the Unstoppable (I coined this first. Boyd totally copied me)
2. Mimbo Jeff
3. Jamie Tanner
4. Faaaaaabio-lous!
5. 'Sea da Ho
6. Leah da Ho
7. Crazy Eyes Carla

-- Thomas Rozwadowski, trozwado@greenbaypressgazette.com

Third place, 15 points

Editor's Note: Malavika was out sick yesterday at the time of this post. She must have eaten Leah's undercooked cod. But now she's back... like a scallop!

1. Mimbo Jeff
2. Fabio
3. Stefan
4. Carla
5. Jamie
6. Hosea
7. Leah

-- Malavika Jagannathan, mjaganna@greenbaypressgazette.com

Fourth place, 11 points (tie)

1. Jeff
2. Stefan
3. Hosea
4. Jamie
5. Fabio
6. Carla
7. Leah

-- Adam Reinhard, areinhard@greenbaypressgazette.com

1. Stefan the unstoppable
2. Jeff the magician
3. Still waiting for my monkey ass in clam shells Fabio
4. I won't take the leadership role, but I better win Jamie DJ Tanner
5. I kissed a girl and I liked it, but then I choked Hosea
6. No one likes a skanky fish, or a skanky chef Leah
7. Sending out no love for Carla

-- Sara Boyd, sboyd2@greenbaypressgazette.com

Others contributing to this splendid "Top Chef" stew: Ms. Quarter, 11 points; ACon, 5 points; Dusty, zero

Commercial Interruption: Lamb-a-rama-ding-dong, Ariane's gone!

Sometimes there's just too much television for one Channel Surfing blogger to handle. That's when we need a break to sit back, relax and indulge in some friendly back-and-forth (via email of course, we don't actually like to speak to one another in person). It finally happened. Ariane, the cookbook wonder, packed her knives for good. Though we were all waiting anxiously for this moment, Channel Surfing bloggers Sara Boyd, Thomas Rozwadowski, Adam Reinhard and Malavika Jagannathan wonder if it had to come at the price of watching Leah and Hosea act like flirty 6-year-olds at recess.

Sara: Here's what I wrote before last week's episode: "I refuse to accept that Ariane is here to stay." Oh, if only I had stuck it out one more week and reflected those sentiments through my Power Rankings. But alas, if this is the price I had to pay (conceding to Ariane, and actually *gulp* believing she may have had a chance no matter how talentless and hack-ish she was) than so be it. The good news is -- she's gone. She tricked the judges for far too many challenges, somehow surviving and dear God, winning!, with dishes like cold watermelon salad, a regular, old turkey and ahem, deviled eggs. While I feel like it truly was Ariane's time to leave, I couldn't help but feel like others were just as deserving this time.

Leah and Hosea's lovefest is enough to make me wish them both off the show, regardless of talent and based solely on the "gag" factor. May I remind them, they are both in committed relationships and um, are being followed by a camera crew. The worst possible thing that "Top Chef" could do is become a "Real World" wanna-be, complete with make-out sessions and booze-filled confessions revealing contestant crushes. That said, Stefan's continual refusal-to-believe-sexual-preferences crush on lesbian Jamie "DJ Tanner" is hilarious and should be reoccurring in the show. This week we have Restaurant Wars -- arguably one of the best challenges of "Top Chef." The challenge that separates the pros from the amateurs, the creative from the uninspired and apparently with HoLeah (yes, Hosea and Leah a la Brangelina), the faithful from the adulterous.

Malavika: Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead!

Araine's departure -- although unforeseen by those of us here who believed that "Top Chef" would continue to reward her mediocrity -- was a welcome respite from the blahity of the rest of the episode that, quite honestly, I can barely remember. Her walk to the slaughterhouse -- er -- judge's table was long overdue, but it's telling that I almost went "really?" because anyone else at the bottom could have easily gone home instead. Still, her hack-i-tude shall not be mourned.

But everything -- and I mean including Stefan's ridiculous crush on Jamie -- was trumped by the news that for the first time EVER, there's a rumor of a "Top Chef" romance that frankly makes me want to barf-ait. "Ho-Leah" as coined by Sara is the lamest attempt at making this show "reality" television. Give me more product placements, fewer shots of those two canoodling, please! (Oh, and more Fabio!)

We can only hope that "Restaurant Wars" this week will divide the wannabes from the real chefs.

Adam: Being a relative "Top Chef" newbie, this whole upcoming Restaurant Wars thing reminds me of the movie "Demolition Man," when Sandra Bullock informs newly de-thawed Sylvester Stallone that, in the aftermath of the Franchise Wars, all restaurants in the future are Taco Bell. So I guess what I'm saying is, there are worse possible fates than a hack like Ariane winning "Top Chef."

But luckily for us that's not going to happen either. Ariane is toast -- which is ironic, since she probably can't cook toast anyway. To be fair, I can't really remember what Ariane did wrong to justify her expulsion -- something about not being able to butcher a lamb correctly -- but I was having such trouble recalling anything about that episode anyway, I needed to find a recap online. This doesn't say much about my abilities as a "Top Chef" viewer, and I'll understand if, of the four of us, I'm the one the judges let go next.

I am, however, looking forward to more of Hosea and Leah betraying their significant others, as I think this show desperately needed a touch of "Temptation Island" to lend it some respectability. I'm kidding, of course. Bravo, stop stealing air time with those two knuckleheads making googly-eyes at each other, at the expense of Fabio and his hilarious attempts at speaking de English.

Thomas: Wow. I must be getting more sympathetic in my old age, because I actually felt kinda bad for Ariane. Now, I know she's never been a viable candidate, and I suppose the fact that she won me over with her persistence (and yes, a large slab of luck) is causing this glimmer of goodwill. But I feel in some respect she was wronged by two conspiratory no-goodniks caught up in puppy love.

Seriously, is this fifth grade? Do they pass notes to each other in the kitchen? I really ended up loathing Ho-Leah (um, brilliant!) after this episode. And I will now root for their demise. Both were lazy and uninspired in their preparation, but most of all, this so-called telepathic communication they demonstrated reeked of sex-peration (if Boyd can play with hybrid words, I can merge sex and desperation.)

Mostly, it put Ariane in a tough spot. Yes she's a pedestrian chef who should know how to tie lamb, but the fact that she was given the lead, failed, and then Hosea confidently says, "Oh yeah, I've done that a million times, blah, blah, blah." That's worse than any egocentric behavior Stefan has exhibited. It was a setup from the start with no designs on helping the team. That shadiness bothers me.

But whatever ... Ariane's uninspired dishes won't be missed and now I have a villainous pair of lovebirds to root against. That always makes for great TV.

Oh, and for those of you having trouble remembering the episode, I give you this: "I'm the only cock in the stall."

Stefan is giving Fabs a run for his money.

Now, onto this week's Power Rankings ...

First place, 16 points

1. Stefan
2. Fabio
3. Radhika
4. Hosea
5. Leah
6. Mimbo Jeff
7. Carla
8. DJamie Tanner

-- Friend of Channel Surfing, Kelly McBride, kmcbride@greenbaypressgazette.com.

Editor's note: Our dear friend Kelly is on assignment in sunny California, and frankly, she doesn't deserve our sympathy for that alone. But because she's the leader and didn't have a chance to submit new rankings this week, we're posting last week's list minus Ariane with the hope that it proves a fair compromise.

Second place, 12 points

1. Mimbo Jeff
2. Stefan
3. Fabio
4. Jamie
5. Hosea
6. Crazy Eyes Carla
7. Leah
8. Radhika

-- Thomas Rozwadowski, trozwado@greenbaypressgazette.com

Third place, 10 points

1. Fabio
2. Mimbo Jeff
3. Stefan
4. Carla
5. Jamie
6. Hosea
7. Leah
8. Radhika

-- Malavika Jagannathan, mjaganna@greenbaypressgazette.com

Fourth place, 6 points (tie with Ms. Quarter)

1. Stefan
2. Jamie
3. Hosea
4. Jeff
5. Leah
6. Fabio
7. Radhika
8. Carla

-- Adam Reinhard, areinhard@greenbaypressgazette.com

Fifth place, 1 point (technically sixth place if you count ACon, who didn't submit a list last week ...)

1. Stefan, aka: Mr. DJ Tanner
2. Eeeets-a time for a comeback! Fabio
3. What girlfriend? Hosea (of HoLeah)
4. Watch me put 8 different things on a plate Jeff
5. Promiscuous Girl Leah (of HoLeah)
6. For the last time, I'm a lesbian! Jamie DJ Tanner
7. SQUAK! Ostrich Carla
8. Give me an hour, I will make corn Radhika

-- Sara Boyd, sboyd2@greenbaypressgazette.com