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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

"Top Chef" Power Rankings are back!

The sun has set on Jesse and her tattooed cleavage. Alas, Hector has to return home secure in the knowledge that he cannot properly cook or cut meat.

Several ugly weeds have been pulled from the "Top Chef" garden of eatin', which means it's finally time for Channel Surfing's annual power poll of deliciousness.

Rules are same as last year: Rank all the remaining contestants from top to bottom. If someone in your top three wins the Quickfire this week, you get a point. If your No. 1 seed wins the Elimination Challenge, you get 5 points. Each week, you also have to designate someone to sit at the bottom, and if that person is eliminated, you also get 5 points.

New to the festivities this year: Press-Gazette photojournalist and avid foodie, Evan Siegle (in both hair and talent, he's like the Richard Blais of our photo staff.) Winner gets bragging rights and a free Channel Surfing neck tattoo courtesy of Press-Gazette editorial cartoonist Joe Heller (OK, maybe not).

Can't remember what happened last season: Blog reader Livin' La Vida Dusty grabbed the crown in the final week after being the only person to correctly pick the entire order -- Hosea, Stefan, Carla -- netting him a whopping 25 points. Up until that point, Kelly McBride and Thomas Rozwadowski were deadlocked at 29 points (Kelly picked Stefan, Thomas went with Crazy Eyes Carla).

Now, let the ranking begin! Trash talk, as always, is highly recommended.

1. Michael V, you bore me
2. Jennifer
3. Kevin the jolly lumberjack
4. Misogynist Mike
5. Bryan
6. Eli
7. Ash
8. Ron
9. Robin
10. Mattin
11. Laurine
12. Ashley

-- Kelly McBride

1. Michael Vottaggio, aka: Chef Slim Shady, aka: Tony Hawk
2. Kevin Gillespie, aka: Zach Galifianakis
3. Jennifer “someone needs braces” Carroll
4. Bryan “I do not smile ever” Voltaggio
5. Eli “Seriously Jewish” Kirshtein
6. Ash Fulk, more like As... nevermind
7. Michael “Jagga bombs!” Isabella
8. Ashley “Ben Kweller/Young Bob Dylan” Merriman
9. Mattin “red scarf = French” Noblia
10. Ron “Michael Clarke Duncan” Duprat
11. Laurine "So forgettable, I initially left her off this list" Wickett
12. Robin “She’s still on?” Leventhal

-- Sara Boyd

1. Jennifer
2. Kevin aka Lumberjack
3. Bryan, the boring-er brother
4. Ash (aka if John C. Reilly and Jim Gaffigan mated)
5. Misogynist Mike
6. Brother Mike
7. Eli (Jonah Hill)
8. Robin
9. Laurine
10. Ron
11. Mattin

-- Malavika Jagannathan

1. Kevin Gillespie
2. Michael V.
3. Bryan V.
4. Eli Kirshtein
5. Jen Carroll
6. Ron Duprat
7. Ash Fulk
8. Robin Leventhal
9. Michael Isabella
10. Laurine Wickett
11. Ashley Merriman
12. Mattin Noblia

-- Evan Siegle

1. "Big Red" Kevin
2. Michael Voltaggio, the less bo-ring brother
3. Dopey Face Jen
4. Eli aka "Jewwy Jewerson"
5. Bryan Voltaggio, the more bo-ring brother
6. Misogynist Mike
7. Biggie Smalls Ron
8. Big Gay Ash
9. Big Gay He-She Ashley (Ben Lee/Young Paul Westerberg)
10. Laurine, so forgettable she doesn't deserve a nickname
11. Mattin, the Frenchy who can't make French food
12. Talky Talk Robin

-- Thomas Rozwadowski

1. Jennifer
2. Kevin
3. Michael V.
4. Bryan
5. Michael D. (the D. is for douchebag)
6. Ron
7. Mattin
8. Laurine (What kind of name is that? She sounds like she belongs on the periodic table, right between selenium and bromine.)
9. Eli
10. Ash
11. Ashley
12. Robin

-- Adam Reinhard

Leave your own below! You have until tomorrow's episode begins. And be sure to stay with us every week to keep pace!

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I'm going to be lazy (or efficient, depending on how you look at it) and only name those that will earn me points.

1. Jennifer
2. Kevin
3. Michael I.
12. Mattin

By Anonymous Mary, At September 15, 2009 at 5:32 PM  

Wasn't there a rule that if the last person you rank is eliminated you get points too? There should be. Or if the last person you rank wins, then you lose 10 points or something equally ridiculous.

1. Kevin "No Relation to Dizzy" Gillespie
2. Jennifer "I work for Eric Ripert and will kick you a$$" Carroll
3. Michael "I can't tell these bros apart" Voltaggio
4. Bryan "I can't tell these bros apart" Voltaggio
5. Robin "Dark Horse" Leventhal
6. Eli "Fat Elvis Costello" Kirshtein
7. Mattin "Authentically Stereotypical" Noblia
8. Ron "Ja-Haitian me Crazy" Duprat
9. Laurine "Rhymes with Latrine?" Wickett
10. Ash "James Lipton Minus 20 years" Fulk
11. Michael "Douche Canoe" Isabella
12. Ashley "Dude's got to go" Merriman

By Blogger Ms. Quarter, At September 16, 2009 at 1:15 PM  

Ms. Q, you get 5 points if your bottom feeder -- in your case, He-She Ashley -- gets dropped like Toby Young. Seriously, where has that dude been? (Not that I'm complainin')

Also, we need to talk about you getting your own blog feature. Fat Elvis Costello ... hahahahaha.

-- Tom

By Blogger Press-Gazette blogger, At September 16, 2009 at 1:31 PM  

Hahahahha. That totally made my day. Fat Elvis Costello indeed!

-- Malavika

By Blogger Press-Gazette blogger, At September 16, 2009 at 1:45 PM  

1-Kevin G.
2-Michael V.
3-Jennifer C.
4-Bryan V.
5-Eli K.
6-Mike D.
8-Ron D
9-Laurine W.
10-Matthew N.
11-Robin L.
12-Ashley M. SEEEEEE YA!

Dustin "Livin La Vida Dusty" Doyle

By Anonymous Anonymous, At September 16, 2009 at 7:52 PM  

Toby's back tonight, no?

And my very own blog feature? I dig it.

By Blogger Ms. Quarter, At September 23, 2009 at 11:21 AM  

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