(Almost) day after "Lost" ramblings

"Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?" -- Johnny Rotten

So it appears Crazy Karl and Rousseau are both dead. Raise your hand if you thought that was worthy of a dramatic tease?

Yeah, didn't think so.

To be fair, I guess we, as viewers, have to realize that these "Lost" shows were written before the strike and there was no intention of Karl and Rousseau's deaths being used as jaw-dropping cliffhangers before this upcoming five week gap. But still ... if you're going to tease it, the audience should have some emotional investment in the killings. And "Lost" fans are still in the dark about Rousseau's backstory, so it brings a hearty shrug of the shoulders. Karl hasn't earned his time, either, so needless to the say, the development was highly disappointing. Same goes for the drippy "I love you" scene between Rousseau and Alex. A lack of build up in the relationship means we're not equipped to care.

Those criticisms aside, it's my belief that Ben set up Bobby Brady and the crazy French lady "Goodwin-style" and perhaps Richard Alpert will stick his head out of the jungle brush. There goes Mr. Linus -- always protecting his best interests and eliminating the competition.

Either way, it's been impossible for me to get any work done because I think I'm having a moment of clarity (or just insanity) regarding the bigger (and better) plot revelation from "Meet Kevin Johnson." The Michael-centric stuff was riveting at times, confusing at other points. But one thing stood out above all. Michael can't die in 2004.

So let me toss all my knowledge about "12 Monkeys," Back to the Future" and "Groundhog Day" into one gigantic blender so I can come out with this thick and delicious "Lost" time travel conclusion.

Michael can't kill himself because he's already dead.

You think I've gone crazy from this never-ending Wisconsin winter, right? OK, follow this strand of logic for a sec, and really, I'll try to keep this as simple as possible with hopes I don't confuse myself along the way. My favorite Internet-driven "Lost" theories revolve around the idea of a wormhole, which is a simple enough concept when you strip away the scientific context. It's basically a hypothetical tube that connects two points in space and time. All you need is to travel through the wormhole to get to the other side. Easy enough.

Let's pretend that this anomaly exists in the "Lost" world, and to reach the "other side" of the tube, a specific coordinate must be followed. For whatever reason, the island exists in one space and time, the real world in another, both accessible with the proper Ben-given bearing. But let's also propose that based on what we know about the hatch button, and whenever it was pressed every 108 minutes, that doing so was meant to freeze time on the island according to whatever magnetic or metaphysical properties govern it. I'm not sure why these exist. I'm just following other exhaustive "Lost" time loop theories, or ones that haven't made much sense -- at least to me, an avid viewer -- until now.

Based on Desmond turning the failsafe key and flashing between 2004 ("Lost" crash time) and 1996 (Desmond in the military time), perhaps the island is frozen in the latter period. Or it was until Desmond failed to push the button, which led to a crack in the wormhole, allowing Oceanic 815, which happened to be flying over the island at that exact moment, to split into two parts and crash. Locke later refusing to push the button also turned the sky purple, which caused another momentary crack, exposing the island to Penny's researchers and Widmore's freighter, giving Daniel the ability to bring the chopper to the island on an exact, newly revealed bearing.

Either way, the island isn't in "real time," but with the absence of the hatch button, is now inching forward (think of the Faraday payload experiment), except only Ben and the Others are aware of the anomaly. It might explain why Locke isn't paralyzed and Rose doesn't have cancer. A case of island magic? Nope, simply the properties of time. Being in 1996 island time means Locke's current state comes before he is pushed out the window by his father.

How does this apply to Michael, you say? Well, follow this convoluted string of logic. Michael is sent back home because Ben (who also travels through the wormhole according to his passports) knows that he dies on the island upon return to it post-freighter -- which chronologically speaking, occurs BEFORE anything that happens in real time '04 when he meets with Tom in New York.

So Michael can't kill himself in '04 because he's already dead in '96. He can't die twice. He's allowed to exist in '04 only because he's traveled through the wormhole to real time BEFORE he dies in '96. But that doesn't change the fact that he still dies in '96. He can't alter his fate while in '04. Which means he can't die because he's already dead.

Now you're probably saying, that's the stupidest thing I've ever read. 'If Michael dies on the island, how can he exist in 2004?' Well, the Michael we saw leave the docks in Season Two is still alive when he boards the boat, so he can move through the wormhole and exist in 2004. That same Michael then goes to the freighter -- which is what we saw last night -- and in future episodes, will end up back on the island, again through the time-bending wormhole, where he will eventually die. So what happens to him in that last part of the equation is the most important part. On the show, it happens AFTER he's been back home in 2004. But according to the properties of time, it happens BEFORE. Again, HE'S ALREADY DEAD!

Does that make ANY sense?

-- Thomas Rozwadowski, trozwado@greenbaypressgazette.com