The Beatles meet "American Idol"... Help!

I figured I'd soften the blow by picking part two of the "Beatle-themed" round as my introduction to "American Idol." At least, I told myself, as a lifelong Beatles fan, I'd be hearing music I like.

Now I'd always knocked the show - with its predictable formula, it's bubble-gummy brand and it's super annoying winners - but that was mostly because perfectly reasonable people I called my friends became obsessed with the show before I'd even seen an episode. A confession: I have on occasion watched Idol tryouts and a hilarious knock-off in India called "Indian Idol" featuring Bollywood tunes. But in my attempt to be fair in my biases, I thought it was only appropriate to watch an entire episode of the show before continuing to hate on it.

Well, I survived unscathed. I spent two hours of my life last night glued to my television, trying to keep an open mind (Ryan Seacrest is an annoying twit - it's impossible to get past that). The conclusion?

I think I understand why people are fans, which may make me look upon my Idol-obsessed friends with a little less cynicism. It's hard not to get caught up in cheerleading the contestants and pooh-poohing the ridiculous judges when they throw out stupid comments like "I can really feel you out on the stage." Really? You can, Paula? You must have 20-feet long arms like Mr. Fantastic, which might help you sell a record or two in the new millenium.

But from an entertainment standpoint, it's still weak -a glorified karaoke show week after week. Idol falls flat because it straddles the line between cheesy reality (think "Beauty and the Geek") and real competition ("Top Chef" or "Project Runway") and, in the end, successfully does neither very well.

As for the contestents - well, clearly they're not all hacks - although the Beatles blasphemy was painfully rampant. It's bad enough to give "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away" a Mariah Carey do-over, but it didn't help that Kristy Lee Cook followed her performance (and the judges' criticism of it) by telling Ryan that "this Beatles thing is new to me." Eeeeeeeek. Lost my vote right there, sweet cheeks. Then everyone's favorite Luther Vandross-lite Jason Castro basically ripped off a Ben Kweller R&B-inspired version of "Michelle" that thankfully no one fell for.

(Note: Michael Johns' amped-up version of "A Day in the Life" was personally my favorite, but all the judges - including Simon - criticized it for the song's "non-singability." Whatever.)

Popularity and excellence so rarely meet (The Beatles may be the best example of when they do). So why exactly do 30 million plus tune in each week for such a second-rate offering? One viewer compared Idol to "McDonalds" on a blog I recently read - mediocre but consistent - and even The New York Times, which refers to the original concept as "innovative," admits the show has gotten predictable of late.

And predictability just ain't enough to make me tune in twice a week.

--Malavika Jagannathan, mjaganna@greenbaypressgazette.com