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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

I love New York, but hate myself

Any married man will tell you that it's a wife's job to put him in place when TV viewing gets out of hand. But I have to say, I'm ashamed to admit that my wife, Mary, called me out yesterday with a classic, "I can't believe you're watching this show" blast during a DVR viewing of "I Love New York 2."

First off, I'd like to thank Adam for saving this from being the fourth reality TV show post in a row on "Channel Surfing." (We don't need no stinkin' writers! Get back to drinking your Venti Pumpkin Spice Lattes and penning witty dialogue for mere pennies, peons!) Second, my wife watches "The Hills," so she has no business judging ANYONE's "to be recorded" selections.

Third, I can't really explain why "I Love New York 2" captivates me. The "2" should have been a solid indication that the producers would just recycle all the train-wreck material from last season and prop up new faces for the public's wretched consumption. And that's exactly what's happened, except they're piling decaying bodies from last season (Has anyone uttered the words, 'I miss that Mr. Boston guy' since Season One went off the air? Didn't think so.) onto this year's smoldering wreckage. That much is evident with smooth playa Chance - yes, I just wrote 'playa' - coming back next week to raise the ire or resident 'roid freak, Buddha.

Now, I know what you're saying. We don't watch this show, Tom. We have lives. Families. Dignity. So please, PLEASE, explain these ridiculous nicknames. Well, New York is actually Tiffany Pollard, who was runner-up on Flavor Flav's VH1 reality dating skank-o-rama a couple years ago, and she was so good at taking a wad of saliva in the kisser (Another contestant spat at her! Oh, yes she did!), they gave her a spin-off. So she's using the same "nickname" shtick as Flav, which means you have guys called Mr. Wise, The Entertainer and Tailor Made strutting around the house, referring to themselves by their newly-christened monikers, instead of, you know, Jeb or Winston. In fact, the producers of this show think we (OK, me, not you) are so stupid, Tailor Made, who apparently ordered an $850 piece of lingerie for New York on Monday's episode, referred to himself as "Tailor Made" while on the phone with a customer service rep. Er, I'm pretty sure that's not a legal name, bro. Check that Visa card again.

Anyway, I'm watching not to laugh, not to cry, not to feel, well, any emotion, for this show - which I'll simply describe as the Chicken McNugget of TV for its god-awful ingredients and lack of nutritional value. Instead, I'm convinced Tailor Made, a reality "star" if such a title exists, is a paid actor trying to hustle the rest of the contestants into making bigger fools out of themselves all for the sake of terrible TV.

Dude is the DeNiro of the reality genre. Except he makes everyone around him worse.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go take a shower.

-- Thomas Rozwadowski,

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Hey Tom, thanks for falling on the sword on this one. I actually sat through a five-hour marathon of this show Monday, mostly because I wanted a reality show to write about. But then it hit me like a rotten fish to the kisser that I, too, was falling for New York. But thanks to you I'm now saved the shame of admitting that to the world. ...Unless the world checks your comments field...
- Adam

By Blogger Press-Gazette blogger, At November 14, 2007 at 1:03 PM  

Great call on Tailor Made. I was just saying the other day that he's an actor, too.

It's really obvious. But, the guy makes that show. Well, him and Midget Mac. But they kicked Midget Mac off way too soon.

Um. Not that I watch this show or anything.

Great job on this blog. Love it.

By Anonymous Anonymous, At November 14, 2007 at 2:12 PM  

Stop the bleeding, Adam. Stop the bleeding.

It's somewhat ironic that we're making ourselves "stupider" for the sake of writing for the blog.
- Tom

By Blogger Press-Gazette blogger, At November 14, 2007 at 2:51 PM  

I just realized that this picture of Tailor Made looks exactly like the poster for "40 Year Old Virgin." Coincidence? I think not.

By Blogger Press-Gazette blogger, At November 14, 2007 at 4:37 PM  

Tom, there's no need to pretend you watched it for the sake of the blog... embrace your love, even if your wife doesn't.

By Blogger Malavika Jagannathan, At November 14, 2007 at 4:58 PM  

Hey, I never claimed to have superior taste in television. I do, however, have the common courtesy to only watch the Hills when you're not around. Also, I don't announce your guilty pleasures in public forums ... but, now that the secret is out, I can scream – "I LOVE LC!" (Not New York ...)

By Anonymous mary, At November 15, 2007 at 8:15 AM  

Tom, i am going to have to digress from the love of new york. Let me get this straight, the show follows the adventures of one of Flava's discarded babes? She couldn,t woo Flava but she can capture the heart of America? Why don't i have a show? Better yet, if we are scraping the bottom of the barrel for reality stars, what about Michael Bolton? Gallagher? Guy Zima? Bret Michaels? I've got to side with Mary on this one. And, you have offended the Chicken McNugget. You owe Ronald an apology.

By Anonymous Eric, At November 15, 2007 at 8:30 AM  

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