For the love of Halpert!

While I've already been chided for my long-windedness by soon-to-be fired Channel Surfing bloggers, Malavika Jagannathan and Sara Boyd, I would like to add two more cents to the "Office" equation, if I could.

This Thursday's episode -- called "Chair Model"-- will be the real test for the show. By all accounts, "The Dinner Party" script was already completed prior to the writers' strike, so it could be argued that it wasn't anyone's choice to set the tone for an "Office" rebirth with that destructive episode. Instead, you can chalk up its sheer brutality -- at least in terms of the Jan-Michael domestic throwdown -- due to deliberate placement after "The Deposition." In case you forgot, that's the episode where Michael's loyalties were put to the test thanks to Jan's ugly lawsuit against Dunder Mifflin. Michael's diary was used in the proceedings, and well, the entire thing was a disaster for Jan. If there was reason to end their rocky relationship, that episode should have been the guillotine drop.

And ultimately, that's why "The Dinner Party" failed. It's already been established that Michael and Jan are not only horrible for each other, but they actually HATE each other now. Viewers didn't need "The Dinner Party" to confirm that, so despite largely positive reviews for the episode from national critics, it was gratuitous. And unfunny. And well, just read our Commercial Interruption post below -- because if Jan dominates Thursday's episode, there's gonna be a lot of complaining on this little blog!

Oh, and I'd also like to note that without my in-depth analysis in the aforementioned post, a Sara-Malavika "Office" exchange would have gone something like this:

Malavika: "Isn't Jim so dreamy? I bet he cooks for Pam and writes her poetry. Sigh."

Sara: "Oh, and he probably lays out rose petals on her bed and gives her gifts of scented soaps and delicious chocolates, well, just because he's so incredibly perfect. I'd share an earbud with him anyday. Sigh."

Malavika: "Don't you just love how Jim's hair does that little flippy thing on the side? I wish he would write me witty e-mails from a desk only a few feet away. I'd stare at them all day while picturing him making some type of googly-eyed expression. Swoon."

Sara: "Oh, and did you see him in 'Leatherheads?' I wore my homemade 'I (Heart) Jim' T-shirt to a matinee this weekend. It's my favorite movie ever! Blush."

Malavika: "Oh, I agree, except some of his facial expressions in 'License to Wed' were sooooo adorable. Like the one where he's playfully frumpy and all, 'I'm like a newborn puppy going to the bathroom on the floor! Ooops. I didn't realize I was being so darn cute!' Faint."

Sara: "Look, I just wrote Mrs. Jim Halpert all over my reporter's notebook in purple ink! Yearn."

Malavika: "Ooooh, I added cute little pink hearts to mine! Ache."

Sara and Malavika: "Don't ever leave us, Jim! Well never hurt you, Jim! Why'd you take out that restraining order, Jim! We will not be ignored, Jim!"

Stab.

-- Thomas Rozwadowski, trozwado@greenbaypressgazette.com