Beauty vs. Geek? Think lip gloss vs. a TI 83 calculator

It's baaaack. And for season five, it's geekier and more beautiful than ever. It's the show that challenges beauty and geek to live together, help each other become better brands of themselves and, of course, find the true meaning of "it's not what's on the outside that counts, but what's on the inside." Yes, the brainchild of Ashton Kutcher is back with a new season and this year, it comes with a twist.

This season puts beauty and geek head-to-head, no longer as teams of two. It's the beauties vs. the geeks and that means a huge disadvantage for the viewer -- no more awkward teamwork when geek tries to talk to beauty during challenges, no more beauty getting weirded out by geek in the first stages of the show and no more working together to achieve the ultimate goal. No not the $250,000 grand prize, but the small chance that beauty hits it off with geek to make hot, dorky babies.

The cast this year seems to be full of potential, however. The geeks are geekier than ever and include a little geek for everyone. There's the cowboy (who enjoys saluting, marching and wearing USA pride apparel - check out the sequined vest of the first episode, classy), the "gaysian" (yes, a gay, Asian nerd that delights all and was the first to cry on the show), the poet (literally, he never shuts up about his really awkward poems), the video game programmer (think a fusion of Jesus Christ Superstar and Bill Gates) and of course, the sweater vest enthusiast (uh, what?).

The beauties are in prime form as well - plastic for miles, but not a trace of human life or a speck of a brain cell. They include: the aspiring soap opera star (correct me if I'm wrong but don't most actresses aspire for higher, than settle for soap star once they realize they are talentless?), the Playboy bunny (Hef would be so proud), Daddy's Girl (I don't even know why this is a label, shouldn't it say spoiled, jobless ho?) and the "One Tough Mama" (again, I don't think this is something you can just label yourself as, but it's better than Four Guys' Baby Mama).

The first episode had the beauties testing their, er, personalities and the geeks challenging their, er, pick up skills. The challege: go to a hot downtown club and get as many numbers as you can for your team. The team with the most numbers - real, valid numbers - wins. Seem a little unfair? Well, not after the beauties get a big 'ol "make-under."

Bad clothes, snaggletooths and acne galore replaced lip gloss, perfect skin and pearly white smiles. Although once the beauties were made-under, they really didn't look hideous. And at one point, Jim - the video game programmer, said he "kind of liked it." So obviously, even with the bad hair and in one case, the fat suit, the girls still pulled out the victory - meaning the boys were headed to elimination.

The girls had to choose a whopping five geeks to send to elimination - unleashing another new change this season. The elimination room was much like a game show room where the five facing elimination had to buzz in first and answer a question correctly in order to return to the mansion.

The selection of geeks to the elimination room was a bit brutal as the beauties cited their selections with things like "you have more social skills than the other guys" or "you have a girlfriend, so you don't really need our help." John E. - the "recovering Microsoft addict" - was the first geek to pack up his pocket protector and head on home, after not being able to buzz in quick enough to answer a question on pick-up skillz.

It looks to be an interesting season of Beauty and the Geek. We'll have to wait and see how the beauties and geeks will get along now that they are competing. Or maybe just cross our fingers for a geek make-over episode.

-- Sara Boyd, sboyd2@greenbaypressgazette.com