America's Best Dance Finale. Not really ...

It's finally over. The worst and most awesomely addictive show on TV will no longer be forcing America to tune in every Thursday. That's right: Randy Jackson can finally go back to presenting ... nothing. America's Best Dance Crew, or Kru, as the kids are callin' it these days, has reached its finale. Will it be JabbaWockeeZ or Status Quo? Will J.C. Chasez look douchey?

Of course, now being dubbed MTV's slavechild, I, Sara Boyd will give you the live play-by-play as we find out the answers to these questions and more. And clearly, by "you" I mean the one dude that accidentally hit this Web site while looking for the Internet version of the TV guide. Sorry guy.

Here we go:

9:04 p.m.: The show opens with dimple-overloaded Mario Lopez being hyper and whitest Latino boy as usual. All the crews are back for the "hottest finale of the year" as dubbed by Lopez -- America would probably beg to differ.

9:10 p.m.: JabbaWockeeZ and Status Quo get one last chance to hear the judges' thoughts. J.C. states,"I'm sad to see this show come to an end" and refers to himself as not only an "artist" but a fan. Um, an artist of what exactly? Remember the song, "Some Girls Dance with Women?" Yeah, no one else does either.

9:14 p.m.: All the crews are told they get a chance to perform one more time with the crews of their homebase. Representing the West -- Jabbas and the Ricki-from-Project-Runway-like Fysh n' Chicks (you know, the girls' group that stayed for far too long given the talent.) Good stuff all around.

9:18 p.m.: The South is up next, Live in Color and Enigma Dance Kru (yes, they really spell it like that - I told you it was hip) get low to the dirty-dirty "Get Low" interspersed with drumline, apparently. Mario announces America's Best Dance Crew will be back for another season next year through his massive dimples.

9:23 p.m.: Status Quo (aka: How'd they make it to the top?) and Iconic take the stage next, giving props to the big ol' East siiiiide. I'm sorry, not to be rude but those two Tweedle-Dee/Tweedle-Dum chicks are really distracting. Of course, Mario can't help himself but pull out an-all-too-white-boy-but-actually-Latino "East Siiiiiiiide." What a copy cat.

9:27 p.m.: Mario really needs to stop saying that "we're just minutes away from finding out who will be America's Best Dance Crew." Dude, the show's not even half over. To categorize it as "minutes" would have to be 10 or less. Gosh. Midwest is next up, BreakSk8 and Femme5 hit the stage with their version of "Drop, Pop and Lock it" -- aka: big booty dancing and guys skating around them.

9:32 p.m.: The final crews have a chance to say why they should be the best dance crew -- Jabba's, not surprisingly, give props to their dead dancer crew member saying it will all be for him (wow, way to play that card) and Status Quo said something, but honestly, I wasn't listening.

9:36 p.m.: Ugh. It's that cheesy time to "look back at the crew's journey to the final." Status Quo again cries about the one time a dancer's ankle was all messed up -- and by "all messed up," I'm guessing they meant barely bruised.

9:38 p.m.: Jabba's start off their journey story -- of course -- with member Gary, who is poppin', lockin' and lookin' down on his bros. OK, I actually didn't know the dude died right before the show started. I'm a horrible person. I suppose they can talk about him some more.

9:39 p.m.: Status Quo vs. Jabba's in the ultimate showdown. I feel the need to quote "Zoolander" here, "Ooh, they're break dance fighting." It's pretty entertaining but again, Status Quo puts their clumsy teddy bear in front. Personally, I think the Jabba's have the best moves, and it's apparent when they're busting it out side-by-side. Status Quo did impress me, and performed a lot better than I thought they would. They really "brought it" - "Bring It On" style. Shane gets a little testy with the audience. "Can y'all calm down?!" he blasts at the crowd of mostly underagers. Oh god, Lil Mama is starting to talk. Time for the ear plugs.

OK, so apparently Blogger, not a fan of America's Best Dance Crew, refuses to save the rest of the blog after this point. I, being far too lazy and much too danced out to rewrite everything, will just tell you this, no surprise here: JabbaWockeeZ win.

Sorry "man who thought he was finding out what the TV schedule was tonight." You can get back to your regularly scheduled program now.

-- Sara Boyd, sboyd2@greenbaypressgazette.com