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Monday, May 18, 2009

Punishment over

Much like waterboarding a suspected terrorist 180 times, Channel Surfing is ready to declare its punishment methods a smashing success.

It's why in breaking news delivered today at his desk, the Powers That Be have absolved Adam Reinhard from his "American Idol" Punishment Pool duties this week.

That's right. Unlike former Vice President Dick Cheney, we have a heart.

As regular readers will recall, Adam has already taken the bullet four times and was scheduled to watch this week's final installment featuring the ballyhooed (yawn) Adam Lambert (yawn) Kris Allen (yawn) showdown. Except Malavika Jagannathan -- who was supposed to suffer for the first time thanks to Kris with a K ousting Danny "Milwaukee's Hero" Gokey last week -- is OH SO CONVENIENTLY on vacation this week. Which means Adam would be on his own again.

Since MJ gets to duck out of her patriotic duty to the blog, we feel its only fair to give Adam his Tuesday nights back so he can watch "Dancing With the Stars" instead. Yeah, we're big softies that way.

So there you have it: the end of our first ever "American Idol" Punishment Pool. Until our ears bleed again next year, here are Channel Surfing's five favorite lines from Adam's torture-a-thon these past few months.

* Paula has picked "Dance Little Sister" by Terence Trent D'Arby. Wow, really? What, did Maxi Priest and Simply Red want too much for royalties? You had to break out the D'Arby's roast beef crapwich?

* Suggestions for themes/Kurt Cobain night — everyone/shoots themselves in face

* Yo yo yo yo yo/Yo dawg, yo dawg, check it out/Dawg dawg dawg dawg dawg

* His entire conversation with Satan

* "Know who else had fans? Adolf Hitler. Yeah, they were called Nazis."

It was a good run, Adam. But at least you didn't have to stomach this during one of your weeks.

-- The Channel Surfing staff

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Oh, come ON. You ruined the one reason for me to check this Web site!

By Anonymous Anonymous, At May 18, 2009 at 11:04 PM  

Do what I do when confronted with life's difficulties: Blame Malavika.

-- Tom

By Blogger Press-Gazette blogger, At May 19, 2009 at 9:53 AM  

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