Runway-licious

Thank God for new programming of our favorite shows during the summer. It seems like just yesterday we were judging the fierce creations -- and the hot tranny messes -- of "Project Runway" Season Four and now, like a gorgeous couture butterfly, Season Five is spreading its wings.

Forgive our tardiness in posting on this critical, crucial show ... we were still reeling from the fact that Lisa "Suckface" was in the Top Three on "Top Chef." But there's no time like the present, right? So let's get right into the goodness. I, along with fellow "Runway" enthusiast Malavika Jagannathan, have much to cover and much criticism to unleash. On with the show ...

Sara: For the fifth and, tear, final season on its infamous Bravo home, "Project Runway" seems to be in full swing of a talent vs. hack free-for-all. In its first episode -- a shout-out to a favorite challenge of seasons past -- the contestants were asked to hit the grocery store with a few bucks and inspiration/innovation in mind. The end result was more like "Tablecloths on Parade 2008." In a last ditch effort to separate themselves from the pack, a few designers attempted to think outside the box and add creativity to their tablecloth masterpieces.

None were as successful as Austin Scarlett's gem (who was also the guest judge for the season opener -- and appropriately so) but there were surprises, and ideas that brought a few shining stars to the high class fashion realm.

Total disasters included a garbage bag puke-fest created by "leather-toting, make it bad-ass, we get it, you're a biker chick" Stella -- which reminded me more of the disposal of a dead body than a dress for a runway model -- and what can only be described as "a dishwasher on crack" by too-good-for-this-show Jerry. And in the end, "professional designer" Jerry was sent packing. Good riddance.

Malavika, what did you think of the second episode? Did going green help or hinder the designers?

Malavika: First off, thank the "PR" gods for bringing us back some Gunn-a-licious and Klumtastic fun to this drag of a summer. (Also, thanks to whomever told Michael Kors to take it down a notch on the spray-on tanner)

I thought the going green challenge seemed like a fun idea, but the results were pretty weak. Contestants were instructed to only use environmentally-friendly fabrics, but I think combining that rule with giving the designers' models the power to buy the fabrics was a big no-no. Let's be honest: models, not that smart. (Have you watched "America's Next Top Model?").

The winner was kind of a downer: Guest judge Natalie Portman went ga-ga for Suede's baby-formula-colored tutu dress, which was one of my least favorites. And, yes, his name is Suede and if he continues to use the third person to refer to himself, I may have to go fierce on him.

This week's guest judge is Sandra Bernhard, so I hope she'll bring some biting wit to the judging process (or just tell Suede to quit talking about himself like he's Elmo).

Sara: Well said. I wonder if, along with Suede's hideous McDonald's-themed ballerina costume, perhaps they'll sell his self-promoting jewel-encrusted "SUEDE" jean jacket on Bluefly.com as well. Oh the horror!

It may be too early to tell but I think we're starting to separate the winners from
the hot tranny messes. Speaking of our dear phrase-coining Christian Siriano (last season's fierce winner), who the hell is this Blayne character and why is he trying to be "Christian Season Five" -- although not bitchy, and just annoying. His so-called catch phrase, "girlicious," is a rip off and ahem, not FIERCE. All I'm sayin' is Miss Thang better get creative and stop trying to imitate our lovable and original Ferosha Couture.

Keep your eyes out for Kenley (who's a bit cocky, but at least can back it up), Kelli (who's a bit of a new twist on Sweet P from Season Four) and Terri (whose blue dress I would buy right now if I could.)

Catch "Project Runway" at 8 p.m. every Wednesday on Bravo.

-- Sara Boyd, sboyd2@greenbaypressgazette.com and Malavika Jagannathan, mjaganna@greenbaypressgazette.com