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Thursday, July 10, 2008

You love "Money?" I hate VH1.

No, I didn't watch "I Love Money" during its 500th rerun on VH1 last night ...

But after being warned about its existence, I did flip past it on TV, and regrettably recognized "Whiteboy" and "Midget Mac" from the slap-happy abomination known as "I Love New York." As for how the rest of the episode developed ... well, I moved to a "Saved By the Bell" rerun on The N after I felt my retinas burning.

(It was the "Better Bayside" episode where they drill for oil and Zack suddenly turns into Doctor Dolittle because of his bond with Becky the duck. Oil spills. The animals die. Six kids apparently have the authority to stop an entire school from getting an Olympic-sized swimming pool because they're morally opposed to blood money. Line of the episode by Screech as Zack cradles an oil-covered stuffed animal in his arms: "She's where the oil can't hurt her now." Man, how can you not be moved by that?)

Ahem ... back to Midget Mac.

The premise appears to take no-name losers from several trashy VH1 shows -- or maybe you weren't satisfied with "Rock of Love" Rodeo's MySpace updates? -- and put them in competition with one another for, as the title so admirably suggests, money.

I know it's the pot calling the kettle black thanks to my love of "Real World/Road Rules Challenges," but dude, this was so much more fun on "The Surreal Life." Are there no more D-list celebrities to scrape off the pavement for that express train to hell? I know "The Two Coreys" have their own show ... saw a blurb for "Bromance" with some famous-for-no-reason douche from "The Hills" ... good god, are they really coming out with "Brooke Hogan Knows Best?" (Hmmm ... does little brother Nick get VH1 in prison?)

Damn, I guess the well is dry. I just tried to finish this joke by dragging out a long-forgotten, desperate celebrity as the punchline, and yeah ... nothing.

Anyway, the REAL reason for this post. Like me, the always-awesome Onion seems to have noticed how 2008 reality programming is making "Temptation Island" look like "Touched By An Angel" these days, leading to their clever write-up about a way-too-real-concept that is likely to be stolen by scummy VH1 CelebReality heads. (And yes, I know Peter Brady is a reality TV staple now, but it'd be kinda fun to see Bobby Brady on a show called "Lookinland for Love," no?)

You can't get upset about it, right? (Reaching for gun ...) You just have to laugh, right? RIGHT?

New VH1 Show Canceled For Not Being Pathetic Enough

NEW YORK—In a press release Tuesday, Viacom executives announced their newest hour-long VH1 Celebreality program, Knight Life, with former Brady Bunch star Christopher Knight, has been canceled for failing to reach the wretched depths of the network's low standards. "Despite some really excellent footage of Christopher vomiting into his hot tub, Knight Life was just not pitiful enough to meet our audience's expectations," Viacom president and CEO Philippe Dauman said of the show, which only featured three unsuccessful attempts to hit on strippers, two drunken brawls, and a single midget. "Unfortunately, the program lacked the petty and reprehensible acts that demean all humanity and make for good, compelling television." Dauman added that VH1 would consider bringing the show back if Knight were to become so distraught by the cancellation that he had to be hospitalized for an unsuccessful suicide attempt.

-- Thomas Rozwadowski,



Hey, aren't you the PG blogger who once promoted "I Love New York?" It seems to conveniently be missing from the archives, but you're not fooling me!

By Anonymous mary, At July 10, 2008 at 3:17 PM  

Saaay, when did that particular episode of "Saved by the Bell" air, by chance? It wouldn't happen to have been around 1989, would it? Around the time of the Exxon Valdez spill, hmmm? I THOUGHT I SMELLED EMMY-PANDERING!!! Damn you, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, and your insincere consideration for oil-drenched wildlife!

Also, I've got a new show for VH-1. It's called "I Hate VH-1." It's gonna be great.


By Blogger Press-Gazette blogger, At July 10, 2008 at 4:08 PM  

Retinas burning indeed. My rods and cones are all amok after only viewing the promo.

At the very least this show seems to, with it's very premise, make these reality TV douchebags own up to the real reason they're on such a show. And it ain't to find a shot at love.

By Blogger Ms. Quarter, At July 11, 2008 at 9:03 AM  

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By Blogger Ethan Smith, At July 24, 2014 at 2:55 PM  

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