This ... is the end of American Idol
It's been coined as the battle of the David's, but really, everyone should call it what it really is, the battle of who's more marketable. The judges freaked out about David Archuleta last night, from Simon saying it was a "knock out" to Randy Jackson citing, "he could sing the phone book and it would be good." Yes, David Archuleta has some pipes on him for a breathy 17-year-old, but I can't help but wonder if the judges are trying to pull some kind of conspiracy. Archuleta would clearly be more marketable - he has the young boy looks that attract 7-year-olds to 20-year-olds, he's got the "What? Me? I'm not good at all" so-called modest charm that attracts the old ladies, and let's be honest, his face would just look better on a Trapper Keeper. (What? They don't make those any more? Man, I'm old.)
Whoever sells more records, T-shirts, posters, etc. clearly is going to help "American Idol" (and therefore the judges) cash in on the big bucks. When it comes to buying every bit of "American Idol" memorabilia humanly possible, the young, spoiled 'tweens are all about it. Are you following me here? Judges blatantly declare Archuleta the winner, braces-toting juniors vote like crazy and crown Archuleta as champion. Immediately warehouses start shipping boxes and boxes of crap with the lip-licker's face pasted on it and Simon takes a swim in his mountain of gold coins. Who do these people think they are?
As much as I would like to see Cook win, I can't help but think the ratio of voters may be against him. There are a lot more teeny boppers that vote than say, old rock fans and bar wenches that would enjoy his music and call up "American Idol" to say so. Plus Cook chooses songs in the rock/alternative genre, and while I think it's better music, it's not the crowd who will probably race to the music stores and buy posters for their bedroom ceilings.
Whoever ends up being crowned tonight, I just hope, more than anything, they cry like a baby. And since David Archuleta was near tears already last night, I wouldn't mind if he won since he'll probably be a blubbering mess. Plus, then his dad will probably start selling his son's baby teeth on eBay and openly scolding anyone who doesn't give his boy a standing ovation. And really, that's just good TV.
Catch the finale of American Idol at 7 p.m. tonight on FOX.
-- Sara Boyd, firstname.lastname@example.org