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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Spot the fake "According to Jim" plot!

We've already covered NBC's new schedule to some degree. Now the rest of the networks are following suit, with very little in the way of surprises -- except for that crazy "90210" spinoff that will feature Aunt Becky (smokin' hot Lori Loughlin) from "Full House," Lucille Bluth (Jessica Walter) from "Arrested Development" and Michael Lee, (Tristan Wilds, more on this casting choice later) from "The Wire." Add some broth, a potato, and baby, that's a bizarre stew you've got going, as Carl Weathers might say.

Anyway, for in-depth updates, check out the Futon Critic or Alan Sepinwall's blog -- the guys who get paid to cover these announcements. Of interest so far: "Scrubs" is moving to ABC, in what arguably, was the worst kept secret on the release schedule. As enthusiasm continues to wane for the show -- it had been somewhat funnier in spots this past season, but by most accounts, the out-of-order NBC finale was brutal -- Zach Braff attempted to add some clarity to the situation via MySpace:

"Many of you have been understandably confused by the fairy-tale episode of 'Scrubs' serving as the series finale. It was not. I was not allowed to say it, but 'Scrubs' will be moving to ABC for its final season. We are currently filming the eighth and final season. The true finale of the show will air on ABC in the fall. NBC merely promoted the fairy-tale episode as the finale, as it was the last episode they owned.

Also, several of you were very confused by the fact that Dr. Kelso and Laverne were still working at the hospital in the fairy-tale episode. Because of the writer’s strike, the last remaining episodes for NBC were aired out of order. This is why Dr. Kelso was still chief of medicine. That was not Laverne, however, for those of you who have been following closely; it was a new nurse “Shirley” who no one thinks looks anything like Laverne except for JD.

Hope this clears some things up."

Dead nurses coming back as different characters? What is this "Lost?"

Anyway, in a final note about the schedule, the un-killable "According to Jim" is still listed on ABC's docket. Brace yourself, folks. That's an eighth, EIGHTH, season of "Jim" coming your way. Now, I don't pretend to know everything there is to know about comedy, business or the business of comedy, but my God, Jim Belushi is officially the T-1000 of network TV.

So ... in a tribute to the Favre-esque durability that is 'the Belush,' I've plucked a few of my favorite episode recaps from Wikipedia, but in a devious twist, decided to add a fake one to the mix. I've long said I could write the kind of bland, pathetic scripts "According to Jim" continues to churn out -- to what audience, well, that's unknown -- so perhaps this will finally prove it. If you can guess which one is According to Me (man, I'm clever), a signed copy of "Curly Sue" on DVD is coming your way. OK, it's really not ...

And yes. You. That one "According to Jim"/Chicago Bears loyalist who might be reading this. You are totally being mocked.

The Hunters: To prove his worth as a man, Jim, along with Andy, hunt a turkey for Thanksgiving, but on the hunt Jim is pursued, and shot, by a legendary 40-lb. psychotic bird christened "Angry Pete."

Anec-Don't's: Cheryl, upset that Jim thinks her daily anecdotes are boring, steals Dana's story about meeting Oprah. Jim, now determined to out-do Cheryl, makes up a story about his construction office catching fire. But when Cheryl takes the kids to see the damage, Jim and Andy, who are scrambling to make it look authentic, end up setting a real fire.

The Naked Truth: When Cheryl inadvertently tosses his favorite Dick Butkus jersey into a donation pile, Jim goes on a 'naked strike' and refuses to wear anything else until his prized possession is returned. Cheryl refuses to comply with her husband's demands, and when a radio contest for free Cheap Trick tickets requires him to leave the house, Jim is forced to either swallow his pride or make the trip downtown in his birthday suit.

The Smell of Success: Cheryl disapproves of Jim's latest idea, a flatulent doll named Gassy Gus, but he gets support from Andy, who builds the prototype, and Dana, who locates investors.

The Toilet: Cheryl promises to take Jim's opinions seriously when she decides to remodel the bathroom, until Jim insists it include a hideous high-tech stainless steel toilet -- that talks.

The Packer Ball: Jim is horrified when he sees his son Kyle with a green Packers ball. He tries by all means to change it for a Bears one, but the kid just can't let go of the green ball. Jim has nightmares about it and takes Kyle to his work in another attempt to get rid of the Packers ball. When he realizes there's nothing he can do about it, he does a little alteration on the ball so they can go to the Bears game peacefully.

The Competition: Jim, certain he will win the annual hot dog eating contest, is humiliated when instead he loses to a petite woman, and his problems are further compounded when Andy decides to date the female champion.

Plot Twist: Cheryl's mother, Maggie, wants Jim, Cheryl and the family to rest someday in a family plot she reserved years ago, but Jim insists on his own family plot -- then secretly reserves a plot for himself next to a star football player.

The Gift Certificate: Jim realizes that Andy has forgotten to use a gift certificate that he had bought him for his birthday. Not wanting to let his money go to waste, he heads off to a restaurant and treats himself to a hefty meal, and all seems fine until Andy remembers the gift certificate just hours before it's set to expire and invites Jim to share in the feast.

-- Thomas Rozwadowski,

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Ha. An excellent challenge, and I'll take it because, really, I can only hope I'm wrong. I'll go with the one about the Butkus jersey; it has the most intricately detailed plot, the Cheap Trick reference smells of artifice and, well, it actually sounds like it could be funny. I did see the one about the Packer ball. It actually somehow wasn't that bad ... certainly on par with an average post-Minnesota State episode of "Coach."

By Blogger Andy Behrendt, At May 14, 2008 at 11:43 PM  

The Oprah one. Great job either way, Thomas. A very entertaining post. Keep up the great work, all of you!

By Anonymous Anonymous, At May 15, 2008 at 10:19 AM  

I'm going to agree and say it's the Oprah one. That Chicago connection is too convenient. Plus, what a ridiculous and awful plot.

By Anonymous dave, At May 15, 2008 at 10:31 AM  

I'm going with Gassy Gus. NO WAY can that show be THAT BAD. Can it?

Also, great post-Minnesota State "Coach" reference, Andy. Good to know someone was actually watching the show that season.


By Blogger Press-Gazette blogger, At May 15, 2008 at 10:46 AM  

Since it appears no one else is going to play -- booooo! -- I'll reveal the winner to be ... Mr. Andy Behrendt. Your Encyclopedia Brown sleuthing skills really paid off. You are the pride of Idaville.

-- Tom

By Blogger Press-Gazette blogger, At May 19, 2008 at 10:29 PM  

And yes, Gassy Gus is all too real ...

By Blogger Press-Gazette blogger, At May 19, 2008 at 10:29 PM  

jim belushi is the best because is albanian . and i am albanian

By Anonymous sela, At November 20, 2008 at 7:27 AM  

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