Day after "Lost" ramblings

I love "Lost" You love "Lost." Let's dive right into the weekly tradition of paying too much attention to things like Penny Widmore's street address and Daniel Faraday's flowing locks of "I Love the 90s" hair.

What the heck is going on, brutha?

"The Constant" was a Desmond episode, so right there, we should have figured all bets were off with structure and (ahem) time. All I know is that "Back to the Future" never made my head hurt this much.

Desmond's body apparently isn't traveling back to 1996. Instead, only his mind is making the trip from Christmas Eve 2004, thereby influencing Desmond David Hume, 1996 military man -- which eventually leads to his meet-and-greets with 1996 Daniel "Fabio" Faraday and 1996 Penny "Un-break My Heart" Widmore.

How are we supposed to explain Desmond's time travel in "Flashes Before Your Eyes" then? Was that a mind warp, too, because I always thought he was involved in some "Quantum Leap'-like shenanigans? As you can see, I'm thoroughly confused by the intimate details, though based on my notes, it seems that radiation (as Faraday experienced in his Oxford lab) or electro-magnetism (Desmond with the fail-safe) plus travel off the island triggers bizarre flashtime episodes.

Perhaps we can also safely assume that Rousseau's people were killed by the same "sickness" that caused Minkowski's (Where's Johnny Five? Ah, we'll miss you Fisher Stevens!) nose to bleed and his brain to fry like Eloise the rat. Desmond found his constant (or what's necessary in both spaces of time to keep your brain from overloading due to the rapid back-and-forth jumps) in Penny, so he should be OK moving forward. Similarly, Faraday is going to use Desmond as a constant -- though his emotional past-self watching Oceanic 815 crash footage is aware that something bad happens to the island folk. So has Faraday already traveled in time and warned himself of island events? Man, I really need to watch this episode again.

Anyway, I jotted down more notes and links to past episodes (Widmore and the Black Rock ledger, Jacob being trapped by the gray ash, the island creating parallel timeflashes in the form of "flashbacks") but realized they weren't worth probing without the greater question of Desmond/Faraday's mindwarps answered, or even adequately explained. In a stroke of sheer luck, though, I slipped on a patch of ice this morning and momentarily blacked out in my driveway. Amazingly, my mind traveled back to speak with my 1996 self -- then a sophomore in high school -- and what follows is everything I remember from the conversation.

1996 self: "Man, Green Bay blows. I hope I'm not living in this cold, desolate wasteland in 12 years."

2008 self: "Dude, this is your 2008 self speaking. Stop griping about the weather and listen to me. I have some important news about a TV show you'll start watching in 2004."

1996 self: "Wait, I'm experiencing a weird flash in my head. That seems pretty messed up. Maybe I should question -- albeit briefly -- what it's telling me to do. After all, if I'm cognizant of the fact that I'm a high school student and can still recognize the people around me, I must be able to still control some parts of my brain, and might not want to act in haste."

2008 self: "Well, just accept my influence for the sake of this experiment. If you question why something is happening, well, it'll drag out the expository elements way too long ... you know, like if this were playing out on a primetime TV show. It's better to just go with the flow and do what the vision -- in this case, me, your 2008 self -- tells you to do. I'd also like to write about it on a blog."

1996 self: "Wait, what's a blog?"

2008 self: "Well, it's shorthand for web log ... dude, nevermind. So about 'Lost." Don't start watching this show. It's compelling stuff, don't get me wrong. But seriously, it'll consume your life. You could be doing so many more productive things in 2008 than obsessively combing Web sites for the latest information on scientific wormholes."

1996 self: "Wait, I don't follow. It's a really good show, but you don't want me to watch it?"

2008 self: "Exactly. It makes your head hurt. It's all you think about at night. Stick with the puppy dog simplicity of 'Saved by the Bell.' Screech never travels in time. The Zack-Kelly-Slater love triangle isn't as convoluted as the Jack-Kate-Sawyer one. Plus, Mr. Belding is always good for a timely one-liner."

1996 self: "Dude, I never grew out of watching 'Saved by the Bell?' That's kinda depressing. So who's in this 'Lost' show that I'm not supposed to watch?"

2008 self: "Um, Matthew Fox?"

1996 self: "That Charlie dude from 'Party of Five?'"

2008 self: "Yeah, he's actually pretty good in it."

1996 self: "Interesting. So is that all you have to report from 2008? Is the future pretty cool? Is Brett Favre still playing for the Packers?"

2008 self: "Yeah, his decision making gets to be incredibly long winded, so he's still in the process of deciding whether or not he wants to come back for another season. You know Peyton Manning, that dopey-looking quarterback at the University of Tennessee? His snot-nosed little brother, Eli, actually beats Favre in the NFC Championship game in '08. When it's, like, minus 30 degrees! At Lambeau! Google his name ... oh wait, you only have a ridiculously slow dial-up connection right now."

1996 self: "Goo-what? I have no idea what you're talking about. Um, anything else I should know?"

2008 self: "Yeah, definitely don't watch the Packers-Broncos Super Bowl. It'll only make you violent and angry. And stop wearing baggy, expensive clothes from Abercrombie and Fitch. I know it's 'in-style' and all, but you'll totally be embarrassed by your conformity when you go to college. Oh, and don't ask (name withheld) to Junior Prom. It'll save you some grief."

1996 self: "Awesome. I also noticed I say dude a lot in the future. But if that's everything, I'm gonna go listen to that killer new Bush album, you know, "Razorblade Suitcase." Gavin Rossdale will rule forever!"

2008 self: "Dude, you have so much to learn."

-- Thomas Rozwadowski, trozwado@greenbaypressgazette.com