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Monday, May 4, 2009

Oh, how the tables have turned ...

With the memorable and jazzy poetry slam from cool cat Adam Reinhard last week, all Channel Surfers were anxious to find out their fate -- and if they could end up following his Haiku footsteps this week.

With the departure of Matty Matt Big Dawg Giraud -- not to mention, Anoop Doggy Dogg and Lil Rounds being Seacrest Out -- that meant three Channel Surfers had to seal their destiny and choose a new contestant as we head into the dreaded Final Four.

Oh so close to the end ... yet oh, so so far away.

To be fair -- and to hopefully inflict pain on the other -- MJ decided to pick for Tom and Tom for MJ. Whatever contestant was left went to Punishment Pool King Reinhard. Meanwhile, I kept rolling with Fatty Gokey.

MJ picked first to muffled chants of "LAM-BERT! LAM-BERT! LAM-BERT!" (After all, this was stupid T-Roz's idea and he has yet to be punished.)

Alas, Malavika pulled Big Red Allison. Shucks. Thomas is most likely off the hook.

"In your face, [expletives]!" Thomas shrieked while victory dancing like a mentally challenged chimp.

Tom's pick was next. He knew either way it'd be torture -- all that was left was Chief Lambert or Mousey-faced Kris Allen.

And with that, it was Kris Allen for dear Malavika, which means ...

(all together now ... )


OK, I'm done.

But that also means Malavika is stuck with Kris Allen -- who likely could be big Lamy Lambs runner-up competition.

Malavika's reaction? " I judge him poorly for his womanly name, the fact that he's from Arkansas (the poor man's Alabama) and that he butchered (covered, whatever they call it) 'Falling Slowly' for his movie song."

Stay tuned for what happens next ...

UPDATE: has posted this week's rankings, and somehow, Allison jumped ahead of Kris and Danny to No. 2, which means it's my turn to write since Adam has the week off with Matt's departure. Must ... gouge ... eyes ... now. -- Thomas

-- Sara Boyd,

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I've never been more happy about anything in my entire life. The thought of Troz sitting down for a nice evening of 'Idol' watching makes me giddy. Enjoy Seacrest, biznatch!

-- Sara

By Blogger Press-Gazette blogger, At May 4, 2009 at 4:38 PM  

Tom, here are some tips to help you cope:

1. Picture Simon Cowell naked.

2. Transfer the pain of listening to glorified karaoke by biting various parts of your anatomy. Start with your lip, move on to your hand, and, if all else fails, try your inner thigh. (You'll need to stretch beforehand.)

3. Close your eyes and think of England.

4. Every time Randy says "Yo," do a shot.

5. Just remember that things could be worse: You could be a slimy, talentless douchebag like Danny Gokey.

By Anonymous Anonymous, At May 5, 2009 at 2:32 PM  

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