Punishment Pool, Week 4: Poetic Injustice

In honor of National Poetry Month — and in a desperate attempt to survive my THIRD Punishment Pool viewing of "American Idol" — here's a minute-by-minute recap of last night's travesty done completely in haiku.

"Idol" on in 10
I beg you, don't make me watch
Punishment Pool sucks

Tonight's theme: Rat Pack
So many jokes I could make
Haiku limits snark

Blatant Coke placement
Even better than real thing?
Not with these songs, bub

Guest star Jamie Foxx
Penance for Miley bashing?
Dude don't deserve this

Sorry, Jamie Foxx
Ray Charles not in the Rat Pack
Think Jewish, not blind

"Way You Look Tonight"
Kris Allen — great lounge singer
Wait, that's not the point?

Kara's cleaving out
Paula's wrapped like a present
nobody asked for

Allison — last girl
Are you sure that's a girl, or
red-haired Uruk-hai?

"Someone to Watch," yes —
Me, watching Allison stink;
I'm so "Over" you

Yo yo yo yo yo
Yo dawg, yo dawg, check it out
Dawg dawg dawg dawg dawg

Matt — a fedora?
You look like a gay gangster
Take off the hat, Matt

"Funny Valentine"
Stop picking cliché numbers!
Abomination

Jamie's in Goke's grill
Trying to coax a "real" sound
Punch him in the schnoz!

"Come Rain or Come Shine"
Can I have an umbrella?
I'm drowning in schmaltz

Just when I'm starting
to like Simon, he digs Goke
Turds of a feather

Jamie and Adam
Sitting in a tree / K-I-
S-S-I-N-G

Adam's "Feeling Good"
This Adam is feeling bad
No one seems to care

Who will go home next?
That's like asking "How are you?"
I don't give a flip

Suggestions for themes:
Kurt Cobain night — everyone
shoots themselves in face

Buddy Holly night
They all put on funny specs
and die in plane crash

A cappella night
Take away the backing band
Watch them wet their pants

If I have to watch
this next week, you guys, I swear:
I'll take you with me

— Adam Reinhard, areinhard@greenbaypressgazette.com