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Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Whole Schrute and Nothing But the Schrute

Rainn Wilson is a busy man.

He's got some 'splainin' to do with that whole "getting it on with an engaged woman" "Office"-rendezvous during last season's finale. He also has a brand spankin' new iTunes celebrity playlist (and a pretty darn good one thanks to his love of Josh Ritter and The National), though more importantly, he's been everywhere promoting his new movie,"The Rocker."

That whorish process includes invading "Office" mate Jenna Fischer's MySpace page and er ... kidnapping her for the sake of ticket sales. But see, when you include the lovely Miss Beesly in any box office plot, it's a good kind of whorish.

On the site (honestly, I'd link to it, but there's so much slow-loading crap there, I thought my computer was going to explode), Wilson writes, "I've kidnapped the lovely Jenna, put her, bound, in the trunk of my Firebird and logged onto her MySpace to send out this bulletin.

To free America's sweetheart, Pam Beesly, one half of the magic which is 'Jam', you must attend my new movie, 'The Rocker', which opens August 20th.

As soon as the film grosses 18.7 mil, she will be released and given a peach smoothie.

I've also recently discovered that August 20th is truly a special and historic day. Estonia achieved it's independence! Sting got married to Trudy Skyler! What better way to celebrate the magic of Sting and Estonia than by seeing what is perhaps the greatest film ever made (about a heavy metal drummer).

It truly is a fun and lovely coming-of-age, rock n'roll comedy and good reviews are coming in, including two thumbs up from Ebert and Roeper and also from my son, Walter (who has three of them).

Also, if you're a fan of: Will Arnett, Christina Applegate, Jason Sudeikis, Jane Lynch, Emma Stone, Jeff Garlin, Demitri Martin, Fred Armisen, Bradley Cooper, Pope Benedick III, WINGS (the show and/or the back-up band), coral reefs, soup, former Mayor Ed Koch, the guy who played Norm on Cheers, baby Suri, dairy, Coldplay, Animal Planet or the letter "Q"... YOU WILL LOVE THIS MOVIE!

So ... please spend your $10.50 American on "THE ROCKER," get yourself a popcorn and a Mountain Dew, bring 1800 of your closest friends so that 1) Jenna gets a smoothie and 2) They let me be in another movie someday.

That is all.

Rainn Dietrich Wilson

Hmmm ... perhaps if someone had actually kidnapped John Krasinski, it would have prevented him from making the comedy turd known as "License to Wed." This Schrute fellow may be onto something.

Oh, and there's also video (and a Free Jenna Now Web site) for this ordeal in case that Sept. 25 "Office" season premiere can't come fast enough.

-- Thomas Rozwadowski,



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