The Last Comic ... I'll ever watch

How dare you, NBC?

As if it wasn't bad enough that you made me sit through what can only be described as a glorified two-hour long promo for your upcoming season -- masked as the two-hour special of "Last Comic Standing" -- but then you have the nerve to rig the votes and crown Sucky Suckface Iliza Shlesinger as the winner?

Yes, I said rig the votes. C'mon people, there's no humanly possible way that stuck-up, self-righteous, arrogant bra-stuffer could have won "Last Comic Standing." It's just not possible. Sure, she has one funny joke for every 100,000 uttered, but clearly she did not have the goods to triumph over Hottie McHotterson Jeff Dye or Christopher Walken's long-lost vocal twin Marcus.

OK, "goods" may have been a poor choice of words. We all know that's what sealed her victory -- lesson learned: cute blondes with big (and toward the end of the season, even bigger) boobs win in life and on crappy reality TV shows. Triumph the Insult Comic Dog said it best when he told Iliza it was such a pleasure watching her grow in the series ... from a B cup to a C cup.

I'll be honest, when the show began, I so badly wanted to root for Iliza. There had never been a female victor in "Last Comic Standing" and she was funnier than annoying Esther Ku, but man, she went into "rhymes with witch"-mode awfully fast. Really, with any reality TV show, people need to understand that talent only goes so far to get the audience votes -- personality will take you the rest of the way. Sure, it's a talent competition and you are competing against others, but no one likes a sore loser and clearly, everytime she got the graveyard vote to battle it out -- she was a huge baby about it. Then when she'd emerge victorious she'd be all cocky about it. Um, yeah, you beat out God's Pottery, Esther Ku, Papa CJ and Paul Foot -- that's nothing to brag about.

But I digress. Iliza -- well, America's supposed votes for Iliza -- are really not the worst thing about this year's "Last Comic" finale. Even more repulsive then Iliza's victory is that NBC used us. They knew, as Americans, we're too lazy to change the channel once we've selected a show. And they used that fact against us. It was a show of plug-after-plug -- "Here's what's coming up this year in 'Deal or No Deal' ... Howie, take it away!" "And don't forget to check out the Olympics in Beijing -- right here, on NBC." Oh how fast the buyable sell themselves out. Bill Bellamy, you should be ashamed.

It's a shame too, because the show did have potential for hilarity. Triumph the Insult Comic Dog was inappropriate as always and really funny. Even Presidential candidates Senators John McCain and Barack Obama tried their hands at a jokey joke. (By the way, McCain -- it's not funny to joke about the fact that no one thinks you're funny, it's just sad. Obama definitely smoked your ass on that front. The bowling bit? Priceless.) And it was great to see Jon Reep back again, showing what a true "Last Comic" winner is made of.

But then they brought out Jon Lovitz, who let's be honest, hasn't had an unscripted funny joke in decades. I tried watching, I did, but after a while it just started to get really uncomfortable and sad. Thank you DVR, you saved the last ounce of respect I have for Jon Lovitz.

So I guess my point is, with so little to be laughing about from last night's episode, this will be the LAST "Last Comic Standing" that I tune in for. I had high hopes when Dye and Marcus made it to the finals, but that was quickly and harshly squashed. Now I'm left with nothing but the memories of the funny times I had with "Last Comic."

Maybe they'll have a great season next year -- one that doesn't use gimmicks like a graveyard and play solely on the idiotic commentary of who's a bad roommate in the house. But until that day arrives, or if it ever does, the memories of laughing during that show will have to be enough.

-- Sara Boyd, sboyd2@greenbaypressgazette.com