When music and TV collide: Hatin' on "The Hills."

Anyone remember Juliana Hatfield?

Anyone?

OK, no points lost if you can't place the name. Hatfield had a minor hit in 1995 with "Universal Heartbeat," toured with Lilith Fair, and even made the cover of SPIN Magazine as part of the '90s alterna-boom.

Anyway, Miss Hatfield has just discovered the blogosphere and wrote a few TV-related posts on two completely dissimilar shows that proved somewhat interesting.

The latest is about her time on "My So-Called Life," where fans might remember her as the ghost of a deceased homeless girl in a Christmas episode. The ins and outs of her involvement should be interesting to anyone who loved the cult show, yet it's her rant on MTV's uber-popular teeny-bopper drama "The Hills" that actually made me laugh out loud.

I've tried hard not to get upset about "The Hills," because in the greater scheme, it's pretty harmless. But I can't help it. I mean, I know exactly why people watch it -- for chrissakes, I wrote a post below about the "Real World Awards," so I'm not in a position to cast stones -- but I'm also bothered by how these people, who aren't actors, have become infused in popular culture by playing clearly defined roles. That fusion of fake and real bothers me -- at least creatively. It just seems, well ... lazy. I mean, at least on the "Real World," those losers get their 15 minutes of fame and don't truly benefit from being reality TV castoffs, unless of course, you count appearing in a "Girls Gone Wild" video as a career pinnacle. But it would appear "The Hills" actually makes stars of its cast members, and seeing as how they're all cut from the same privileged cloth, giving these people further celebrity kinda sickens me.

Look, I'd rather have all my "reality TV" be absurdly bogus instead of scripting scenarios for these characters to become even more rich and famous. How many more advantages do these people need? Christ, when John McCain is actually acknowledging your support in the Presidential race, as he did Heidi Montag's, something is terribly, terribly wrong with society.

Anyway, Hatfield has a hilarious take on the show, while at the same time, sheepishly admitting that she's a fan. It's a tough spot to be in. The entire post can be found here.

"Judging by what I see all over the place — countrywide — young women seem to want to look like Heidi Montag. (By the way, I hate the fact that I know Heidi Montag’s name; that I know who she is; that she takes up any space at all in my consciousness. And the fact that I actually enjoy watching 'The Hills' proves that television -- and cable TV in particular -- has ruined my brain. And I don’t even have cable in my home but, still, the damage gets/got done — see how dangerous and insidious it is? I’ve watched 'The Hills' when I could’ve been reading a book or painting a painting or trying to find a cure for cancer.)

Do girls — regular girls without their own series — realize that Heidi Montag’s breasts and nose and hair color are fake and that to achieve Heidi’s bodily-look, many of them will have to submit to painful and expensive mutilation and possibly death (if something goes wrong on the operating table)? Are those C cups worth dying for? Do they ever contemplate that Spencer might actually be a really nice, decent guy who is edited to come across as an insufferable prick because the show needs a villain for dramatic effect? The show — the reality — is constructed. Just like the noses and the breasts are reconstructed."

Well, that was beautifully written. Kudos Juliana! I'm going to go download some of your older material right now as a thank you for writing that.

-- Thomas Rozwadowski, trozwado@greenbaypressgazette.com