This ... is "American Idol"

The six remaining "American Idol" contestants tackled Andrew Lloyd Webber hits last night and while it was a good episode, I couldn't help but have the same thought cross my mind the entire show ... why does Andrew Lloyd Webber look so freaking creepy?

The man is a genius, clearly, but yikes. Between his plum-colored corduroy's and Uncle Leo-like eyebrows that always seem to either be pissed or really confused, Mr. Webber could be a good candidate for a Phantom mask of his own. Everytime the camera cut to his reactions in the audience last night, I couldn't help but gasp. It didn't help that the man was clearly clueless to being filmed throughout the show and wasn't making the best expressions.

But enough about "Freakshow." There was plenty to cover from last night's episode. First of all, Brooke White. Ah, train wreck! Don't you just love live TV? I always doubted "American Idol" for truly being live, because I'm sure if Ryan Seacrest noticed he had a hair out of place he would demand the show be stopped until it was fixed. But Miss White's a bit shocking, "I'm sorry, can we start again?" last night was proof enough FOX truly believes in the magic of live television. Sure, we've seen it before -- everyone remembers the night seemingly unstoppable 17-year-old David Archuleta messed up his words and kept on truckin' -- but this time, I think even Simon was taken aback. Simon said he would've stopped and done the same thing if it was him, but Paula said she never should've hit the brakes. Randy said a lot of "listen" and "dawgs" so I tuned him out. With it being so close to the finals, this will probably mean Miss White is "Seacrest out."

The other contestants seemed to do well with the Broadway hits. Archuleta turned a classic into a pop hit -- which he really should've been punished for, but this is "American Idol" and that means Teen Beat gold -- and David Cook again was told "he the man, bro." Jason Castro had mixed reviews but let's be honest, once this competition is over he'll strike it rich either way since all the ladies can't get enough of him. (Sidenote: I really can't stand the fact that whenever there's a slow song, the front row of braces-toting minors continues to sway their arms back and forth like they're listening to a rendition of Kum-Ba-Ya. Annoying.) Syesha showed some 'tude and got flirty with the bassist. You go girl. Yeah, I can't pull that off.

Speaking of braces, anyone check out the Sanjaya-fan look alike that came up on stage to give David Archuleta a very awkward and uncomfortable hug? Eeee. Poor kid.

Carly Smithson and her lovable Irish accent wowed the crowd with her version of "Jesus Christ Superstar" -- even getting a "well done" by Simon. It was at this time that she rushed to the side of the stage, and grabbed a light blue T-shirt with the words "Simon Loves Me (this week)" splashed across the front. The moment that thing entered the shot you could almost hear the sewing machines fire up across the country, just waiting to make a buck off someone Googling "shirt that Carly Smithson held up, Simon Loves Me." I received a link from a reader, who was also shocked to discover these shirts not only already exist, but are full-time business Web sites. I'd post the link here, but I believe that there's some kind of conspiracy theory between Carly's gratuitous plug and perhaps her relative's Internet T-shirt business.

Anyway, the important thing to remember is last night's episode means it will be down to five tonight. I'm totally not going to watch -- not only because I will be covering a board meeting in Bellevue -- but also because the results show could be the most painful thing to watch in TV history. How they can stretch two minutes of announcements into an hour-long show, I'll never know. If you do watch, however, feel free to come back and post your thoughts on the results. And any nightmares you have after a second-viewing of Andrew Lloyd Webber's horrifying jowls.

Catch "American Idol," 7 p.m. on Tuesdays and 8 p.m. on Wednesdays on FOX.

-- Sara Boyd, sboyd2@greenbaypressgazette.com