Nothing we can do ... a total eclipse of "Heroes"

"Heroes" creator Tim Kring recently came under fire for describing his viewers as "saps" -- a comment he later apologized for -- but we're not sure he's that far from the truth.

After a devastatingly lame second season, it appeared that "Heroes" was back on the rise with its newest volume "Villains." Yes, we even waxed poetic about the season's promise here.

But watching the two part "Eclipse" episode that was billed AS THE GREATEST THING EVER, we felt like... well... saps. Here's why Channel Surfing bloggers Adam Reinhard and Malavika Jagannathan have jumped off the "Heroes" bandwagon.

Eclipse, Schmeclipse

Malavika: First of all, not to get all Bill Nye on you, Tim Kring, but your last solar eclipse was like, what, a year ago? Although NASA's Eclipse Web Site does indicate there are annual total solar eclipses, what are the chances of there being clear sky both times? Not to mention that eclipses generally last about 2 minutes at their greatest point. Your eclipse was like half an hour long! I get that your characters are superheroes with powers and stuff, but at least fact-check your natural phenomena!

Second, there was no point to the eclipse. The premise was interesting -- the eclipse renders all our superheroes powerless, susceptible to mortal things like bullets and stuff. Oooh-kay. For two episodes, they prance around like humans and get hurt. Then, poof, the eclipse is over and everything is back to superhero normal. Everyone on the verge of death is brought back miraculously and viewers are left going "wha?"

Maybe I'm just old-fashioned and "sappy" in my viewing habits, but stories need arcs -- even the ones with numerous sideplots. If the search for the two halves of the formula, supposedly the most dangerous thing EVER -- as suggested in the first few episodes -- why has that taken a backburner to everything else? What happened to the careful peeling back of the layers that made "Heroes" so intriguing in its first season? Gone. And so am I. After weeks of thinking "maybe it'll get better next week," I've given up on this show and I'm OK with that decision.

One caveat: There's been some buzz that Wil Wheaton (Gordie of "Stand By Me" fame and to us nerds, Wesley Crusher from "Star Trek: The Next Generation") might make a guest appearance on the show. If this is true, I'll make an exception to my rule.

Heroes and villains, just see what you've done...

Adam: The complaint I've heard the most about this show, and the reason many have abandoned it like the sinking, malaria-ridden ship it is, was its absolute refusal to give the audience some credit. Week in and week out, "Heroes" has treated us like imbeciles, and for a while I was willing to go along. It was entertaining enough, I liked the characters, and it was funny when that Japanese dude's cheeks shook.

But you've insulted my intelligence for the last time, Kring! (Doesn't "Kring" sound like a great name for a villain, by the way? I can just hear it being vengefully bellowed by a bested superhero: "KRRRIIIIIIINNNGGG!!!") There were so many laughable leaps of logic in Monday's episode, it made my IQ hurt.

- HRG had Sylar and Elle in his rifle's sight at the end of last week's episode ... but waits to shoot them until AFTER they do the nasty.

- After helping save the people of Haiti by defeating the Haitian's warlord brother, Nathan does EXACTLY WHAT HE SAID HE WOULDN'T DO, and decides to help his father.

- A shot and dying Claire is taken to the hospital by her mother, who is questioned by a suspicious nurse. The cops show up and stunningly fail to grill mommy about why her daughter has a bullet wound in her chest.

- After helping Elle get away from psycho pervert HRG, Sylar decides, whoops, he's evil after all, and kills her. Elle, apparently deciding, oh well, guess that's it for me, just lays there without so much as a scream.

- Like Malavika said, THE ECLIPSE LASTED HOURS. What, did the moon just decide to stop orbiting?

But like I said, I could forgive all of that if the damn thing had entertained me. But it didn't. End of story. Sorry, "Heroes," you've earned your fate, be it cancellation or the dustbin of the Nielsens. You'll get no more hours of my life, nor any more points off my IQ.

--Malavika Jagannathan, mjaganna@greenbaypressgazette.com, Adam Reinhard, areinhard@greenbaypressgazette.com