For the Record: That was hyped

The one-hour, commercial free, MTV documentary on Miss Britney Spears had the promise of juicy secrets, tantalizing tales and perhaps the best reason to tune in -- new details of the singer's fall out and big comeback.

It boasted that "no topic was off limits, no question went unanswered" but the truth is, well, there was no truth to any of it. "Britney: For the Record" which aired Sunday night -- ahem, and was NOT commercial free (shameless plugs for Brit's perfume, most likely smelling of cigarettes and cheap liquor, count as commercials, MTV ...) -- told very little that wasn't already known. Sure, the lip-synching sensation acknowledged the fact that she must had been out of her mind at times, but there was no further explanation and the interviewer didn't push her on any of her non-answers. Matt Lauer gave us a better idea of "who the 26 year old really is" and that was two years ago.

The whole thing seemed very artificial and staged. Speaking of artificial, that happens to be Brit's favorite word when discussing people in "the biz" who don't listen to her and, er, her time with her kids, leading to her inevitable head-shaving. And speaking of head shaving, according to Miss Spears, everyone is doing it.

"People shave their heads all the time, you know. I was going through a lot, but it was just me kind of feeling a little form of rebellion or feeling freer," she said. "Shedding stuff that you had happened, you know." No, no one knows. Unless you are already going bald, or have a real crisis like, um, cancer, most people tend to keep their hair on their head.

The so-called documentary had the promises of the guts and glory of what she went through, who she really was then and the mystery of what really happened during her very public falling out with hubby K-Fed. Instead we got a watered down version. A few questions brushed the topic but then left immediately to focus 15 minutes on how she loves to dance. How scandalous.

I must admit, however, it was interesting and intriguing enough to hold my attention and the bits about her attempts to do "normal things" without being rundown by the paparazzi was telling. The girl has quite the following. At one point, Spears even addresses how chaotic it can be and talks of the challenges she faces to just go to the grocery store -- of course, making note that she just thinks of how bad other people have it and then doesn't feel so bad. Right, like people who are starving or who are in the midst of war -- yeah, I'm sure they wouldn't mind dealing with a little paparazzi if it meant they had food, clothes and clean water.

Not to make too light of her situation though, I do feel for her. She's probably the most sought after photo for the paparazzi and it was apparent how nasty they can get from the reaction of one photographer who went off on a rant after Britney retreated from entering a clothing store from the main -- visible -- entrance because of the masses of photographers waiting.

Her family life seems to be one thing Miss Spears kept off the record. I found it odd that she never addresses -- or really is asked -- about her children and the fact that her "baby's daddy" (as she so eloquently puts it) has complete custody of them. We only see her little tykes near the end of the documentary when Britney is getting ready to take them trick-or-treating. Not to mention, and maybe I missed something but everytime she talked about living with her two boys, it seemed negative, like it was just too much for her. She makes statements that she loves her "babies" more than anything but then seems content to be living a life where she is able to do her own thing without them. At one point, she even says, "My babies represented home and that was my home, with them. And every time I went home, I was like 'Oh, God, I can't be here.'" Let's pray she meant she couldn't be home after her baby daddy had taken full custody of her children -- and not while they were still at home.

Her father -- who may just be the most entertaining thing about the mock-umentary -- is around, helping her out but no mention of her mother who Brit has recently said is dead to her. And only one quick mention of her sister and her sister's new baby, but only that she's able to go to the grocery store.

The most telling portion of the documentary may be when Brit finally breaks down -- oh c'mon, you know we were all waiting for it -- and admits that really, she isn't enjoying life. She states, "There's no excitement, there's no passion. It's just like Groundhog Day every day." She claims the people around her listen to her but don't really hear her. And at one point, talks about how she never gets her way, contrary to what her father claims. No worries though, she quickly refutes these sad moments by ending her documentary saying, she's just a happy person and just chooses to live her life as a happy person. Whatever upper she's on -- hook a sister up, Brit.

So to recap, here is what we know about Miss Spears after her private and telling look inside her little Hollywood bubble -- Brit loves to dance, she loves her gay choreographer, she loves to shop and loves to play dress-up (Spears tried on a dress that was still a bit revealing but with less cleavage and pretended she was a lawyer named Matilda), she's the most impatient person in the world (but no worries, that's easily curable if someone gives her a game to play -- or something shiny to look at) and Brit's on the prowl, looking for a new man. Oh, and perhaps the greatest message of the night -- Brit's perfume "Fantasy" and "Curious" are here just in time for Christmas and her new album, "Circus" drops today.

-- Sara Boyd, sboyd2@greenbaypressgazette.com