Bingo! Discovering the Greatest Commercial of All-Time
Of course, that's easy for me to say since I still have my DVR ... BUT ... for the first time ever, I recently used it to rewind a commercial, not fast forward through one.
That's easy to do when you stumble upon the Greatest Commercial of All-Time.
Now, I know what you're thinking: that's a lot of hype to place on a single, two-minute commercial. "You're just a brash youngin', T-Roz. Surely you wouldn't place YOUR commercial next to the 'Where's the Beef' lady or the 'time to make the doughnuts' guy in the all-time commercial canon."
I would. And I will.
Look, I didn't plan on discovering the Greatest Commercial of All-Time while watching late-night TV with my wife. But I'm fairly confident that if you invest the time to watch the YouTube clip below, you'll not only wholeheartedly agree with my designation, but you'll also never doubt my genius again.
As you've seen, the commercial starts off with the biggest of bangs -- a sweet, joyful, old lady shouting "Bingo!" to the rafters. I mean, she's literally so amped-up by the victory, you can see her body trembling with excitement. This is what we call "the hook," or the kind of immediate attention-getter than lets the viewer know, "Skip this commercial at your own peril." It also warms the heart to know that bingo is still played with such passion and commitment, though having once written a story on local bridge players for the Press-Gazette, I can confidently tell you, DO NOT mess with old people and their scheduled game times. I thought I was going to get the back of the hand from a few wrinkled ruffians who were more than a little upset that my silly questions were interrupting their intense strategy sessions. (For the record, I still don't understand how to play bridge.)
A nice, sentimental touch is added with the "Amazing Grace" scene, but in a brilliant tactic to avoid making it seem like "Loud 'n Clear" is only for "Matlock"-watching churchgoers, there's a hip, contemporary spin brought about with what we'll call the "eavesdrop" factor. Want to bask in the glory of your husband bringing home some serious bacon without rubbing your nosy neighbor's face in it? Bingo! Want to discreetly watch Cinemax After Dark while your wife drools on her pillow next to you? Bingo! Want to nod approvingly like a goon as you stand in an entryway by yourself as three hotties contemplate your bang-ability? Bingo times three!
Now, the skeptic in me wonders how, for the latter example, a sound amplifier can narrow in on a singular conversation in a room full of obvious chatter, but I guess that's why we're all supposed to get one. I mean, for every bit of praise coming from across the room, most certainly there's also someone muttering, "Man, who invited that douchebag with the earpiece? Dang, this is good taco dip!" I also wonder how much long term damage would be caused by firing a gun while wearing a sound amplifier, but I guess you take the good with the bad if it means you could potentially get laid or bag a prize buck.
Finally, we're left with a few more shots of a crazy bird lady wandering aimlessly in the woods -- they loop that three times in the two-minute commercial -- before "Bingo" lady delivers her trademark line one last time.
That's emphasis, folks. That's the Greatest Commercial of All-Time.
-- Thomas Rozwadowski, email@example.com