Running the Gauntlet: Week Four Power Poll

Each Monday (ahem, other than President's Day), I'll be providing a quick and dirty rundown of the previous week's "Gauntlet III," or quite simply, television's guiltiest pleasure for the slow-witted "Real World/Road Rules" generation. The show airs at 9 p.m., Wednesdays on MTV.

Well, my prediction that I'd never get a Power Poll showdown wrong didn't even last a week. Thanks, Janelle. Anyway, the Onion AV Club's "Hater" recently dubbed "Gauntlet III" the worst show in television history. Over "My Super Sweet 16" or "Hannity and Colmes?" Wow. And I thought I felt dirty before.

I did, however, redeem myself by forecasting MJ's appearance on the rookie team. The former college football player immediately lifted the spirits of his dejected squad, though by the end of the episode, he didn't prove himself to be as valuable as originally thought. Maybe the guy had a long flight or something.

If anything, this week's "Gauntlet" proved that while its contestants may not be members of the worst TV show in history, surely they qualify as some of the stupidest. The Veterans are winning every challenge in a cakewalk, but also shooting themselves in the foot thanks to this year's wrinkle that only contestants who make it to the final challenge get a sniff of prize money. That means the more players who make it to the end, the more ways they have to divvy the pot. Plus, as past challenges have proven, less is always more because you don't want to drag your best athletes down by having them carry weaker females on their backs during the grueling final round. Yes, it's a gender thing.

That rationale leads Evan and Kenny Venci to begin strategizing ways of throwing female "Gauntlet" days so they can start shedding some of their dead weight. Of course, it would have been nice to think of that BEFORE the "Push It" challenge -- which involved pushing a car on a series of wood slats that had to be moved each time the vehicle inched forward -- which the Rookies were handily winning until the Vets decided to forgo the "road" and make one big thrust through the sand. It was legal. It worked. They won. They were also stupid for not eating that challenge and finally sending a weak female to the "Gauntlet."

A win's a win, though, and adding injury to insult for the Rookies, Melinda took a wicked shot to the head when she accidentally walked into a swinging board. The good news? She was able to sit out the elimination round due to a concussion. The bad news? She milked the injury in the subsequent challenge and looked weak in the process. Either way, for the third straight episode, the Rookies sent Little Jillian to the Gauntlet after the Vets voted Janelle in, supposedly one of the team's strongest players. This caused her love interest, Frank (at right), to rightfully protest, but he was quickly put in his place by the team's requisite loudmouths. Jillian ended up running circles around an arrogant "I'm bigger and stronger" Janelle in "Ball Brawl," with Frank frantically cheerleading from the sidelines like Will Ferrell in those old "SNL" skits. The Rooks collectively hung their head and didn't bother to congratulate Jillian on her upset victory, giving new meaning to the phrase "team unity." Even newcomer MJ called Frank a "frickin' dork" for rooting so heavily. Yeah, way to support your girlfriend, dude. Staying silent totally would have gotten you laid.

The male end of things wasn't as intense this week, with the Vets winning again in the rope burn heavy "Man Overboard" challenge. CT, again, carried the day, with his team's lightning-fast round putting MJ's huffing and puffing to shame. The time difference cost the Rooks a win, allowing the Vets to send Frank into the Gauntlet. From a strategic standpoint, it was a foolish move considering Frank's divisive presence, but we've already established that we're not dealing with Mensa members here. The Rooks countered with Zack, whose claim to fame on the show was getting his head shaved during a night of drunken revelry. In a disappointing turn, the male Gauntlet proved to be another puzzle challenge. As someone who isn't afraid to claim a bloodthirsty desire to see the very worst in testosterone-fueled buffoonery on the male end, the show's brain teasers really kill my adrenaline buzz. I mean, Frank was wearing glasses during the Gauntlet, for chrissakes!

In the end, Zack was sent home, and had perhaps the dumbest good-bye quote ever by claiming the Rookies wouldn't win because he was their best shot at the grand prize. Yeah, losers are always good about making empty threats when they can't win in their lone Gauntlet appearance. Have fun watching the remaining rejects on TV, buddy. You know, like me.

The Puck Treatment
Pretty Boy Alex
Angel
Tyler
Lesbian Come Lately Brooke
Johnny Bananas
Tyrie
Janelle
Zack

The Aneesa Ferreira Division
25. Airhead Casey
24. Low Self-Esteem Johanna

Not quite bottom-feeders
23. Rambo Rachel
22. Ryan

May die because of health reasons
21. Fat Eric

Eight shades of crazy and proud of it
20. Bipolar Katie

Rising fast but not built for the long haul
19. Adam

Unequivocally overrated
18. Melinda
17. Robin
16. Roid Rage Danny

Dark Horses
15. Robot Frank
14. MJ
13. Anorexic Paula
12. Beauty Queen Tori
11. "The Italian Stallion" Kenny Venci
10. Coral
9. Beastly Beth
8. Diem

Sleeper Du'Jour
7. Jillian

Serious contenders
6. Nehemiah
5. Evelyn DeGeneres
4. Derek
3. Meatball Brad

The Big Dogs
2. Evan Almighty
1. Loose Cannon CT

-- Thomas Rozwadowski, trozwado@greenbaypressgazette.com