Be afraid. Be very afraid.
If the ideas are this depressing on paper, one can only imagine what happens when the cameras are turned on.
"Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew," VH1: If there aren't enough bloated bodies for another turn on the "Celebrity Fit Club" scales, you can always do one better by having those same has-beens confront their demons intervention-style. Don't hold your breath for rehab appearances by certified crazies like Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears, though. The roll call includes not-so famous faces like Jeff "John Travolta won't take my calls anymore" Conaway, Daniel "I'm actually less famous than Billy" Baldwin and the dude from Crazy Town who wrote that god-awful "Butterfly" song in the late '90s. Reeking of alcohol is one thing. But reeking of desperation?
"My Big Redneck Wedding," CMT: Legendary loudmouth Tom Arnold is on board as the host who searches for "some of the strangest weddings that occur below the Mason-Dixon Line." If the show were only about whose mullet is the longest — the bride or the groom's — we'd be cool with wedding footage for about five minutes. But dig too deep, Mr. Arnold, and you might find a family tree you DON'T want to climb.
"Scott Baio Is 46 … and Pregnant," VH1: Probably the most blatant example of scripted reality TV ever, Chachi couldn't fake the phoniness of his desire to commit to a longtime girlfriend after years of over-the-top bachelorhood. The capper came with the "shocking" revelation that Baio was about to be a daddy during season one's cheese-tastic finale. Honestly, we hadn't seen acting that bad since, well, "Charles in Charge."
"The Moment of Truth," Fox: Apparently, Fox didn't get the memo that the nation's divorce rate continues to climb. Now imagine what asking a husband if he'd like to cheat on his wife while strapped to a lie detector is going to do for those stats? Sleeping on the couch for a couple of days will be worth the $10,000, though. Either way, the take-home game should equal hours of fractured fun for families across the country.
"Rock of Love 2 with Bret Michaels," VH1: It's been said that every rose has its thorn. But does every skank have to have its 15 minutes of fame? The bodies from season one's "Rock of Love" strip-o-rama weren't even cold before VH1 began airing promos for the Poison frontman's second stab at "true love." Open up and say ick.
"When Women Rule the World," Fox: What if women made all the decisions? What if men were their obedient subjects? What if women could drive, make money, get dressed, and vote — you know, crazy stuff like that? According to the channel's latest high-end concept, 12 "macho men" (no, not the Village People) are treated like slaves in a "Survivor"-like society ruled by domineering female masters who finally get to experience true women's lib once and for all.
Labels: reality shows