EW's Top Ten TV Ensembles List Misses a Few Gems

Admittedly, reader polls are never the best indicator of what is best or right in this world. One glance at the votes on the Press-Gazette's Web site should tell you that. However, as much as we here at Channel Surfing adore Entertainment Weekly, their latest television-related reader poll came up with some ghastly results. The PopWatch blog asked readers to vote in June on the best TV ensembles. While most of the shows in the Top 10 would probably have a place on our list as well, Channel Surfing bloggers Malavika Jagannathan and Sara Boyd spent more time wondering about those shows that were left off the list. No list will ever satisfy every single person, but couldn't they have at least stretched the list to an even 20?

If you're too lazy to click the link above and go through EW's photo gallery, here are the 10 shows that made it onto their list of best ensembles: "Lost," "Veronica Mars," Friday Night Lights," "The West Wing," "Sports Night," "Hill Street Blues," "Mad Men," "Battlestar Galactica," "Arrested Development" and "The Shield."

So, without repeating those already picked, we'll offer you a few more shows each that belong on this list.

"M*A*S*H"
Working in Korea never seemed so appealing -- and this was well before Bill Clinton could come rescue you if you happened to get thrown into jail -- as it did for the doctors and nurses of the M*A*S*H 4077th. A true cast of quirky but lovable characters -- well, lovable except for Major Frank Burns (Larry Linville) -- they worked in tandem to keep this dark comedy relevant even today.

"The Wire"
Trying to explain who's who in "The Wire" is next to impossible. The endless list of characters are so embedded into the plots, so integral to the bigger picture, that it's almost easier to speed through its five brilliant seasons than wait for us to come up with a primer. A true ensemble cast is one where a main character like Det. Jimmy McNulty (Dominic West) can take a back seat during a season and never disrupt the flow of the show.

"ER"
OK, so the ensembles tended to change over the years, but the show remained grounded in the variety and diversity of characters that walked the halls of Cook County General Hospital. George Clooney or no George Clooney, the cast and crew of this show weathered the departures and arrivals of many new faces without ever skipping a beat. Best of all, the plot felt continuous until the very last episode.

"Seinfeld"
Popular culture will sustain Jerry, Elaine, Kramer and George for all of eternity, we imagine, but "Seinfeld" wasn't just about them. A host of smaller, but equally important secondary characters like Uncle Leo, Frank Costanza, Newman, Susan Ross and Jackie Chiles combined with some of the greatest guest appearances made this show a true group effort. After all, what's "Seinfeld" without the Soup Nazi, Bania, Puddy or J. Peterman? Just another show about friends in New York City. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.

--Malavika Jagannathan, mjaganna@greenbaypressgazette.com

"Friends"
Go ahead and be like Mr. Thomas Rozwadowski and get your "Pssh, I knew you would say that" out right now. But it's true. "Friends" deserves a place on this list. If for no other reason than because it took six relatively -- and in some cases, complete -- no-namers and put them on Hollywood's "It List" in a matter of only a couple of years. Admittedly, it took some time for these misfits to feel comfortable on screen and really get into their characters, but once they did, it was a TV ensemble made in heaven.

"Flight of the Conchords"
Let's be honest, if you remove any cast member from this beautiful equation, it just doesn't work. As much as you need Bret and Jemaine, you have to have Mel and Dave. And if you have Mel, you have to have Doug and when you have a personality like Dave, you have to have Murray. I'd even go as far as saying characters like Greg and Eugene are essential. There's truly not a weak link in the bunch.

"30 Rock"
Here's a case where a bunch of semi-successful actors and actresses find their true home and rocket off the charts. The writing of "30 Rock" took people like Tracy Morgan (who was commonly referred to as "the other black guy" on SNL) and Jane Krakowski (previously known as that one chick from "Ally McBeal") and turned them into superstars. And can we talk about Kenneth the Page for a second? Talk about a diamond in the rough. Still not convinced? I think the show's record-setting 22 Emmy noms may help clue you in.

"Gossip Girl"
OK, say what you will, but who can deny the power this group of richy-rich teens has had on the nation, nay the wooorrllld! When you have an ensemble of beautiful people who go out on the weekends and get their little love dramas smeared across the pages of US Weekly, there's simply nowhere to go but up. On the show, they truly have the freedom to play dating musical chairs as much as they want, and really, people will tune in. Whether it's off-again, on-again Serena and Dan or finally-together Chuck and Blair, it matters not. These characters are a delight to watch, not to mention a trendsetter of style for the ages.

--Sara Boyd, sboyd2@greenbaypressgazette.com

Bounce back or bite the big one: Cautionary TV tales for the unenlightened

When Sara Boyd stomped into our Press-Gazette newsroom Monday having been thoroughly disappointed with "The Office's" super-hyped Super Bowl episode -- she's like the Incredible Hulk, you wouldn't like her when she's angry -- you'd have thought someone just shoved a knife in her back and stole her imaginary boyfriend.

And in many ways, that's what it feels like when beloved TV shows start to go down the tubes. It's betrayal, plain and simple. A joyous weekly ritual filled with riotous laughter and real emotional investment turns into a maddening display of hair pulls, head slaps, eye rolls and bitter-tasting tears straight outta Bret Michaels' "Rock of Love" skank bus.

After all, no amount of baking soda can hide the fact that you have Chinese take-out containers from 1987 in your fridge. Everything has a shelf life. Especially TV shows.

Ricky Gervais knew it, so he stopped the British "Office" at 14 episodes. Some shows like "Freaks and Geeks" and "My So Called Life" had the plug pulled prematurely by network suits, while critically-revered all-timers like "The Sopranos" and "Seinfeld" had much ballyhooed send-offs that resembled a Hall of Fame athlete riding off into the sunset with a Super Bowl ring.

Since the majority of shows suffer from critical mistakes, Channel Surfing decided to examine a few favorites that grabbed a shovel with glee while digging their own grave, and others that put it down so they could re-write their obit before Father Time officially tapped on his watch.

"The Office"

I think we've heard enough of my ranting about the latest episode of "The Office," but let me be clear -- this wasn't the first time the Dunder Mifflin gang let me down. The show has been weak for awhile now -- only momentarily coming up for air before drowning again in its pool of awkward plotlines and all-too serious moments. It's not that the show is bad (bad shows: see "Gary Unmarried"); it's just that it's not what it once was.

Perhaps it's the pressure of following the glorious golden year we'll call Season Numero Dos. Compared to Season 2, this year's show is an embarrassment. But it's not too late. Now that the dreadful tale of Andy, Dwight and Angela's love triangle is kaput, we can get back to the basics -- Don't forget Michael's famous words: "Keep It Simple, Stupid." No more twisted plotlines about Meredith being an alcoholic or doing the nasty for Outback Steakhouse goodies, no more stepping out of character for Michael, and no more contrived Jim and Pam drama. Seriously. Just stop it. Do yourself a favor, writers -- re-watch Season 2, take notes and KISS.

-- Sara Boyd

"Scrubs"

Mickey Rourke's got nuthin' on John Dorian. "Scrubs" has experienced a Lazarus-like rise from the dead during its final season -- also its first on ABC. More of a quirky feel-good hit than an all-time great comedy, the wheels really began to fall off in Season 6 when the writing staff struggled to match J.D.'s personal growth with his comfort level as a standout doctor. Instead of keeping situations light and offbeat, the show headed down the dreaded family track by mixing boring baby drama with forced slapstick. Bottom line: it was sloppy and unwatchable.

However, the mistakes have been magically erased thanks to Bill Lawrence's renewed vigor following the show's exit from NBC scheduling hell. When writers take the time to retrace steps and address a longstanding gripe -- the J.D.-Elliot make-up, break-up dance -- by having the characters refer to its Ross/Rachel-like flaws, you know a show is embracing Obama-like change. Pull the fork out. The show's final season should serve as an inspiration to left-for-dead comedies everywhere.

-- Thomas Rozwadowski

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”

Three words: Buffy. Spike. Boinking. That’s what finally drove a stake through the heart of this beloved and genre-defining series, but there were symptoms of decay already. The show’s sixth season (its first on UPN after getting dropped by The WB — never a good sign) began with the resurrection of the titular vampire slayer, who died at the end of Season 5 sacrificing herself to save the world. But this reborn Buffy, given new life by her friends and a little help from some dark magic, wasn’t the same. She was morose, lethargic, not as quick with a quip as she used to be. (I guess that’s what happens when you get pulled out of heaven and shoved back into the cold, cruel world.)

This was never a show to back away from weighty issues — alienation, school violence, cancer — dressed as they were in mystical metaphors. But Buffy’s newfound depression infected every aspect of the show, bogging it down in dreariness, and leading to her aforementioned “angry sex” with vampire Spike. The season never recovered, even after Buffy broke it off with the bleach-blond blood sucker. By Season 7 (the show’s last), with showrunner Joss Whedon off working on his ill-fated sci-fi western “Firefly,” the damage was done, and the magic was gone.

— Adam Reinhard

“Desperate Housewives”

The revival of Marc Cherry’s dramedy about the women of Wisteria Lane is the comeback story of the year. In its fifth season, creator Cherry pulled a flash-forward trick that would have paved a way to an early death for most shows, but instead, “Desperate Housewives” is back to being funny again. Whew. Finally, we’re over all that needless soap opera, unnecessary “mysteries,” pointless new characters and bizarre natural phenomena that we’ve had to endure in the past three seasons. Now that Cherry has the reins again and an end in sight — he’s agreed to an eight-year run for the show — the time warp into the future is the best possible thing to happen to the inhabitants of always-sunny Fairview.

It’s perhaps not a formula all shows can necessarily follow, but it’s one that works when the writers and producers agree the show needs a course correction and put their best efforts into rebooting it. Don’t believe me? Just watch creepy and menacing Dave Williams (the brilliant Neal McDonough) this season.

-- Malavika Jagannathan

"Six Feet Under"

If you're going to be on HBO, you have to be prepared to face a pretty high standard. And "Six Feet Under" met every conceivable challenge during its first two flawless seasons. But when Lisa Kimmel (Lili Taylor) was introduced as Nate's doting wife, the show began a sleepwalking routine that all but resembled the pair's loveless marriage. In retrospect, the plot shift made sense. Lisa's personality was grating to Nate, so it was grating to viewers. And since he was only with her because they shared an unplanned baby, that same level of resentment and apathy was bound to spill over to the audience.

Several plot devices were on shaky ground, all leading to Season 4's "That's My Dog," arguably the most polarizing episode in the show's history. If Lisa was "Six Feet Under" stuck in neutral, "That's My Dog" was the show driving off a cliff. A "very special episode" that saw openly gay David (Michael C. Hall) flirt with a kidnapper, smoke crack, get doused with gasoline and take a gun barrel to the mouth, it was the epitome of shock value; the shark jump to end all shark jumps. If you believed in the emotional payoff, you hailed its daring and stuck with the show. If you were appalled by the nonsensical shift in tone and realism (as I was), it might have served as a deal breaker for the rest of the series. Somewhat amazingly, it wasn't a final nail in the coffin (ironic for a show about a funeral home, I know). "SFU" tortured David a few more times with the memory of that harrowing evening, but by Season 5, it managed to retreat to a safe place, leading to a stable reality and a more than satisfying finale.

-- Thomas Rozwadowski

"Roseanne"

Even if you weren't a fan of "Roseanne's" coarse humor, you'd have to concede that the Conners' trailer-trash lifestyle in Lanford, Ill. was a welcome respite from gushy family sitcoms that believed everything could be solved with a spoonful of love. Contrary to what you might have found in your church pews every Sunday morning, not every family was squeaky clean. Yes, the Conners deserved to have soap shoved in their mouths on a daily basis. Frankly, so do most American families.

Hard knock reality came in the form of taboo topics like poverty, alcoholism, teenage pregnancy, masturbation, race and class identity. And despite it being understandable that most viewers would want to use TV as an escape from real-life headaches, it was still funny to see someone else struggle with everyday hardships. That's when money changed everything. The final two seasons introduced a new Roseanne baby (yes, she had another kid), parodies of "Rambo" and "I Dream of Jeannie," and worst of all, a $108 million lottery jackpot for the Conners that was supposed to replicate Roseanne's own rags-to-riches rise. More fantasy plots came out of the woodwork -- including Jim "Ernest" Varney as a Prince? -- and even John Goodman wanted nothing to do with the surreal twists, so he was phased out. Ratings plummeted, longtime viewers were aghast and Roseanne made no apologies for the free fall. Not surprising since the celebrity spotlight left her out of touch with the working class she once championed. In essence, rich-in-real-life Roseanne Barr killed blue-collar-on-TV Roseanne Conner.

-- Thomas Rozwadowski

“The Simpsons”

I haven’t watched “The Simpsons” regularly for probably 10 years, and there are a lot of you reading this who can probably say the same. It’s cliché to bemoan the series’ drop in quality after its eighth season (some will argue it was still genius-level through Season 10), so I’m just going to tell you the exact scene in which I lost my faith. I have no idea what episode it’s in — or what season, even — but there was a scene where the people of Springfield are rioting in the streets. Cars are getting tipped over, things are erupting in flames, the whole works. A small group of angry rioters crashes through the storefront window of a music store, storm in with flaming torches … and come back out as a marching band, tooting a happy tune.

The staggering lameness of that one gag is still enough to turn me off to this day. It was basically a point of no return. That was when I knew “The Simpsons” would never be the great show of my youth. Yes, I’ve watched episodes here and there since, and I even paid to see the movie (because, hey, it was a “Simpsons” movie), and while they’ve been varying degrees of funny, the spark is gone. And after 20 years, I don’t see it ever really coming back.

— Adam Reinhard

“The West Wing”

What happens to a show when its creator — nay, its life force — exits the scene? Welcome to seasons five, six and seven of “The West Wing.” When creator and writer Aaron Sorkin departed the show after the fourth season, it drove the political drama about the fictional Barlet administration from can’t-miss to maybe-I’ll-TiVo-it status through no fault of its own.

“The West Wing” came to television at a time when the American public was highly disillusioned with the Presidency in the wake of the Clinton impeachment trial. It endured the election of 2000, confronted the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001 head-on and adapted its storylines to match the current goings-on in the world. Most of that was unmistakably Sorkin’s vision. So, when he left — and you’ll have to pardon this 150-year-old comparison — it was like when Vice President Andrew Johnson replaced President Abraham Lincoln. Just not exactly quite like the original.

Under Sorkin, “The West Wing” was almost Shakespearean with episodes like “Two Cathedrals,” “War Crimes” and “Posse Comitatus.” After his departure, the show remained relevant, but the characters lacked the vibrancy they had when Sorkin was still writing lines for them. In short, it became just another ordinary drama. There’s little a show can do when its creator retires, but I recommend packing up the bags and leaving on a creative high note. Why bother faking a masterpiece?

-- Malavika Jagannathan

"Friends"

Don't get me wrong, when it comes to "Friends," I can't get enough. But after nine consistently funny seasons, it became readily apparent that the writers ran out of material and energy near the end. Season 10 of "Friends" -- or what I refer to as two bonus episodes and an extended gag reel -- was pretty pathetic. Every Thursday, my friends and I would gather in front of my giant, wood-paneled circa-1972 television anxiously awaiting a new episode. (To clarify this didn't take place that long ago, I just had a ghetto TV in college -- someone once asked me if it was "coal-powered." I kid you not.)

I'd say about once a month -- if that -- we were actually given a new episode. And yet sometimes, it'd be "technically" new, meaning it was a clip show with five minutes of new material and then the same, tired clips from the show's past. "Friends" was on life support. The viewers knew it had to end, the actors were already looking at movie scripts and the producers were getting lazy. Though the final episode did well in the ratings, it just wasn't the triumphant exit from television the fans were hoping for. At that point, it was more like putting the show out of its misery.

-- Sara Boyd

"Seinfeld"

Eminently quotable more than a decade after its controversial finale aired, "Seinfeld's" place in TV's pantheon is more than secure. But there is debate among even the staunchest "Seinfeld" supporters about the show's final two seasons sans Larry David.

A mad genius who proved with "Curb Your Enthusiasm" that George Costanza was basically a watered-down version of himself, David deserves as much credit, if not more, than Jerry Seinfeld for the show's ridiculous success. Case in the point: the show's final two seasons leave a strong impression that Jerry might have known what he was doing by leaving $5 million on the table and walking away at his ratings peak. Episodes like "The Merv Griffin Show," "The Butter Shave" and the reverse order "Betrayal" were a stark, surrealistic shift from the more minutiae-infused, grounded reality that guided the David years. True, the show always dealt with inane topics and spun comedy gold out of absurdity. But even David admitted in "Seinfeld" DVD extras that it was weird to know the show had continued without his massive creative imprint.

Does that mean the final two seasons were worse than those that came before? Not necessarily. Instead, it proves that faced with the task of overseeing all storylines for the remainder of its run, Jerry didn't want to risk ruining the show's pristine legacy (void of hype, "The Finale" really serves as a fitting farewell ... argue below if you must). Instead, he opted to leave the room on a Costanza-like high note.

-- Thomas Rozwadowski

We've only scratched the surface here. Heck, there's probably someone out there who'd argue that "Full House" really went into the toilet once Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky moved into the stuffy Tanner attic instead of DOWN THE BLOCK while adding those bratty twins to the mix. (For the record, no wife would ever make that sacrifice with her in-laws ... nice snapshot at marital bliss, TGIF.)

Got your own suggestions? Leave a comment, people!

"She's gay, she's straight, she's gay, she's straight -- Just Pick a Sexual Preference and Go With It"

There's a new trend happening in television. One that is not only completely unrealistic and a shallow attempt at roping in the ratings, but, well ... just flat out bugs me.

To explain this new trend, let's take a trip down Reality Lane. Now, I am a heterosexual woman. I dig the menfolk -- always have, always will. I cannot imagine reaching a point in my life where I would think, "I'm sick of the Oscar Meyer's ... Maybe I ought to try being a lesbian." Not that there's anything wrong with that. I just can't see it happening.

At least not to the ridiculous and ever-frequent occurrences that it's been portrayed on the ol' boob tube. It's the classic case of mid-winter blues for television. They reach a point in a show's history where there's not a whole lot left for them to try out, so instead of canceling they figure, "Hmm, who can we turn into a lesbian?"

Before the ol' sexual identity switch, viewers had gotten used to previous TV gimmicks such as the dramatic untimely death, the long-lost child rediscovered and the classic uber attractive "new girl" to boost the ratings for pre-teen zit poppers. And now, it seems the tables have turned. This sexual preference switch-a-roo is catching on like wildfire. Ratings surge when a character dabbles in their sexual identity -- but the initial switch is always questionable.

Case-in-point: Allow me to take you down the hetero-to-homo hall of fame ...

Subject #1: Carol Willick, "Friends"
It only took one short, and presumably, lame marriage to Mr. Ross Gellar to have Carol Willick -- and later, Carol Willick-Bunch -- running for the ladies. To be fair, "Friends" had a different approach to this sexual confusion conclusion. Instead of tossing the switch mid-season, they started the show off with this tasty little tidbit. Episode numero uno of "Friends," featuring a different Carol than the one that ended the show, revealed that Ross "never knew she was a lesbian" and follows him as he deals with the embarrassment of his first divorce. Sure, over time stereotyped clues to Carol's eventual lesbianism emerge -- she liked beer in a can, she wore lots of flannel, she spent a lot of time with her "special friend" from the gym -- but really, it's still difficult to swallow that at one time she would've been perfectly straight and happily married. I understand the whole 45 years later, she's still single and just looking for some companionship but in this case, it seems she was a happy man-lovin' woman and then took a 180. Whatever the case, props to "Friends" -- they could arguably be one of the first to pull the switch.

Subject #2: Susan Ross, "Seinfeld"
Susan Ross began her journey on "Seinfeld" -- and with George Costanza -- while George and Jerry were busy pitching their show "about nothing" to NBC. George thought she was flirty and cute ... yadda yadda yadda, the two started dating. The relationship ended after a brazen George planted one on glasses-wearing Susan during an NBC meeting -- leading to Susan's termination with the company. The two rekindled for a bit before nose-picking George decided he wanted to make her break up with him. The next time George runs into Miss Ross, whatta ya know, she's decided to go gay. While George claims "he drove her to lesbianism" it doesn't last long as charming Kramer eventually sweeps Susan's partner off her feet. With her mortal enemy stealing her woman, Susan's lesbianism "doesn't stick," according to George, and she ends up back with the bald, stocky man in an engagement. And then she dies. Now in this case, you could make the argument that instead of the typical attempt at ratings, this lesie intervention was purely for the comedy.

Subject #3: Dr. Callie Torres, "Grey's Anatomy"
When Callie Torres rolled into Seattle Grace Hospital she began as the apple of George O'Malley's eye. It only took about a month and a half of will they, won't they -- she likes him, he's too shy -- for it to finally come about but eventually the two were a canoodling couple. Sure, some fans didn't like the fact that Callie seemed much too "beastly" for dear, quiet George ... and yeah, eventually Izzie Stevens stuck her big blond head in the way of their love and Callie has a one-night-stand with Dr. McSteamy but for a good chunk of time Callie was in love with a man and completely heterosexual. Cue Dr. Erica Hahn, resident lesbian. Callie becomes confused when she and Erica become close friends but in an effort to prove her hetero-ness, she continues doing the dirty with Dr. McSteamy. Now, granted this was about the time I stopped watching "Grey's" but friends who, only Lord knows why, keep watching say Callie has now turned into a full-blown lesbian who after the FCC booted her lover Dr. Hahn is now lusting after some young intern. But of course, all the while keeping McSteamy in her McBed. Talk about sexual confusion.

Subject #4: Marissa Cooper, "The O.C."
Arguably one of the most famous hetero-turned-lesbo characters was Miss Marissa Cooper, the all too skinny drama queen of Orange County. Let's face it, Marissa was the prime reason an equal number of dudes (my friends, included) and gals tuned into the show every week. She started out as a wannabe goody-two-shoes kind of girl befriending the new kid in school and being the resident go-to for her friends' drama. But as her crazy mother kept riding the crazy train, Marissa gave in to her bad girl side. And the ratings skyrocketed. Interesting that Marissa's bi-curious-ness just so happened to start up in the midst of sweeps week ... how convenient. Acting out against society, her mother, her ex-boyfriend, Marissa befriends and becomes seriously involved with Miss Alex Kelly. Though short lived -- shocker! -- the relationship between the two will forever go down in TV history as one of the more controversial sexual identity switches of all time.

Subject #5: Samantha Jones, "Sex and the City"
Never to ever be outdone or outsexed, the ever-promiscuous Samantha Jones drops a bomb on her fellow galpals when she announces plainly, "Yes, I'm a lesbian." After a long, loooong line of sampling different men, Miss Jones decides to take on a Spanish lover in the form of a woman artist named Maria. Not only does she decide to go to a full blown lesbian, but perhaps even more shocking, she decides to commit herself into a monogamous relationship. For a woman who loves men, and I mean, really looooves men, it seems a bit too far fetched even for Sam. Or as Carrie puts it "You go to bed one night and wake up the next morning and poof, you're a lesbian?" And yes, it IS like saying you've always wanted to be a shoe, and poof, now you're a shoe! Clearly Samantha's quick switch provided quite a bit of controversy in her relationships -- just because she says she's got a girlfriend now, that doesn't keep the boys from knocking on her door for a boot-tay call. But just like last year's Manolo Blahniks, Sam's womanizing went out of style in a hurry.

Subject #6: Jodi Funkhouser, "Curb Your Enthusiasm"
After a long hiatus from television, "Blossom's" Mayim Bialik returned to the boob tube to play Jodi Funkhouser, the lesbian daughter of Marty Funkhouser -- yay! Super Dave! -- on Larry David's annoying hit "Curb Your Enthusiasm." I'll admit, I can only take this show in small doses because while it's hilarious, the sheer volume of Larry David situations is too much for my blood pressure to handle. But I digress. Larry knows Miss Funkhouser only as his friend's lesbian daughter -- it's like the girl has a big tattoo that says "LESBO" across her forehead rendering Larry useless to think about anything else while talking with her. So it comes as quite the shock when Marty tells Larry his daughter is now dating a man -- a fact that brings joy to Mr. David, even though he's a self-proclaimed No. 1 supporter of the lesbians. Larry tries to scare off Jodi's new boytoy by telling him he's got quite the high-heeled shoes to fill, questioning whether or not he can compete with someone who "knows the equipment" firsthand in order to get back "in" with the lesbians. Needless to say, Jodi ends up back with the girl crowd and Larry regains his admiration, and free desserts, from the lesbian community.

Subject #7: Meg Griffin, "The Family Guy"
In the episode "Brian Sings and Swings," the producers finally tackled what we were all thinking for countless years of "Family Guy." Is Meg Griffin gay? Sure, she is constantly mocked for being the ugly child and OK, the butch stocking cap is a little much, but in the end it turns out -- no, Meg is just desperately lonely. When it comes to guys, Meg fails in all departments so when a new lesbian named Sarah befriends Meg, thinking she was a lesbian and invites her to join her Lesbian Alliance at school, Meg jumps at the chance for friends. She even goes as far as forcing a kiss on her new girlfriend Sarah but alas, her hetero ways and Tom Tucker crush make her stop short. So, it's not a true switch of sexual identity, but it's as sad and pathetic as one could get and therefore, deserves a place on this list.

Subject #8: Liz Cruz, "Nip/Tuck"
As one of the late comers to the sexual identity game, Liz has done the confusion rollercoaster proud. It's been a rocky road for Miss Liz and her lady lover ways -- she's had a fatal attraction that left her with one less kidney and fell in love with a fitness psycho that wanted her to go under the knife to become more attractive. So it's safe to say, Liz could've had enough with the ladies. However, when Christian takes advantage of a friend's support, Liz finds herself on a journey wondering if it's men she really wants or just Christian. Turns out, it's just Christian. So, to sum up -- she still considers herself a lesbian, still loves women, but would be in a relationship with a man if that man was Christian Troy. Hmm ... I'm lost.

Subject #9: Julia McNamara, "Nip/Tuck"
OK, "Nip/Tuck" I think you've ridden the lesbian gravy train for long enough. You have to keep some of your female characters straight! This isn't the "L Word." To be fair, Julia's love confusion came long before Liz's and in the reversed order. Julia, who's been married to Sean and had a love child with Christian, has been romantically tied to everyone from a midgit nanny to a much younger college student. In season five, Julia moves on to new grounds and starts a relationship with a crazy woman, and real life Mrs. DeGeneres, Olivia Lord, played by Portia de Rossi. Needless to say, the switch doesn't bode well with Mr. McNamara and in the end, Julia's love affair with Olivia doesn't end in matrimonial bliss. When Olivia goes in for some lifting and tucking, she ends up dying on the operating table. Julia claims it's all Sean's fault -- even though a secret usage of anti-depressants are to blame -- and begins yet another round of the pity party. I give her one more episode before she's back to her man-loving ways.

Subject #10: Ellen Morgan, "Ellen"
I nearly didn't include the famous 1994 sitcom that broke the mold for homosexuality on television but only because this was a true and pure switch. Ellen DeGeneres played more or less herself as Ellen Morgan except one tiny difference -- she was supposed to be a straight woman. After all, network TV would've frowned at such a controversial lesbian main character. But eventually, Ellen just couldn't play it straight anymore. She came out pubicly on the Oprah show and shortly after, her character Ellen Morgan followed suit. In this case, the sexuality preference switch doesn't fit the standard and will always be seen as a historic and honest step forward in television history, rather than a cheap ploy for ratings boosting.


There you have it. Ten examples -- and that's just off the top of my head. Did I miss your favorite straight gal turned lesbian lover? Keep the list going and let's show these TV executives something they're already well aware of -- they've got no creativity.

-- Sara Boyd, sboyd2@greenbaypressgazette.com

"Reliving past pain and getting depressed is what Thanksgiving is all about."

Nothing says Thanksgiving like turkey, family and "Friends."

That's right, haters of the popular late 90s sitcom (God, was it seriously the 90s? I feel so old), although many worthy shows tried, no other show captured the spirit of this particular holiday year after year. In fact, there was a time -- and that time is still now -- where all our expectations of Turkey-day were based on various "Friends" Thanksgiving episodes. If someone doesn't accidentally make a beef 'n onions trifle tomorrow or fight over the Geller Cup, we're going to be a little disappointed.

Channel Surfing bloggers Malavika Jagannathan and Sara Boyd reminisce fondly about their top five "Friends" Thanksgiving moments.

"The One With Chandler in a Box"

Plot: Angry that Chandler kissed his girlfriend Kathy, Joey agrees to be less mad if Chandler spends all of Thanksgiving Day in a box. Wacky premise aside, it's kind of awesome and I've always wanted to inflict this punishment on someone.

Side-plots: Everyone ends up doing Secret Santa that turns into a mushy, sentimental side-plot about Ross and Rachel (that I generally ignore) in which Rachel proves she doesn't always exchange gifts by showing him all the things she'd kept from their relationship. Monica injures her eye, but doesn't want to see optometrist ex-boyfriend Magnum... er... Richard (Tom Selleck), so she sees the on-call doctor instead. Turns out he's "Alias"-hottie Michael Vartan, who is oddly enough Richard's son! (Seriously, this is the show's weirdest premise. There's no fricking way Tom Selleck has a kid that's as hot as Michael Vartan). However, it does spawn some of the episode's best lines.

Best lines
Ross: Hey, you know, Mon, if things work out with you and Richard's son, you'll be able to tell your kids that you slept with their grandfather.
Monica: Fine, judge all you want to, but... Married a lesbian; Left a man at the altar; Fell in love with a gay ice dancer; Threw a girl's wooden leg in the fire; Livin' in a box!



"The One With The Rumor"

Plot: Monica invites an old high school friend Will Colbert (Brad Pitt before Jolie-r times) for Thanksgiving, without realizing that he still loathes Rachel for taunting him in high school for his weight. The former fattie, now svelte and attractive, catches Rachel's eye, but she's still blissfully ignorant of who he actually is. At dinner, Will reveals that he and Ross formed the "I Hate Rachel Green Club" in high school and spread a rumor that Rachel was a hermaphrodite. Rachel is incredibly upset, but then is reminded that she was equally vicious when she spread the news that Ross made out with the 50-year-old librarian. (Miss Altman also made out with the exchange student from Thailand who was also in the "I Hate Rachel Green" club.)

Side-plot: Monica announces she won't be making a turkey because there aren't enough folks who want to eat it. Joey convinces her to make it anyway, swearing that he'll finish it himself. He comes in wearing Phoebe's maternity pants, now the "Thanksgiving pants" and does it. The End.

Fun fact: Chandler is pretending to watch a Thanksgiving game between the Detroit Lions and the Green Bay Packers and Phoebe claims an affection for Green Bay because "it’s only like my favorite bay." Chandler yells, "Anderson just scored again" at one point to convince Monica he is actually invested in the game, then says there's no one by that name to Phoebe. Actually, both the Packers and the Lions had players with the last name Anderson -- Wide receiver Scotty Anderson for the Lions and safety Marques Anderson for the Pack in that season.

Best Lines
Phoebe: Well the Lions technically won, but it was a moral victory for the Green Bay… Mermen. (Fact-check: The Packers beat the Lions 29-27... oddly enough the Lions had zero wins that season going into the game) Also, the Mermen = way better name.

Will: Look at her standing there will those yams. My two greatest enemies, Ross. Rachel Green and complex carbohydrates.

Will: That's right. We said your parents flipped a coin, decided to raise you as a girl, but you still had a hint of a penis.
Monica: You started that?
Rachel: What, you heard that?
Monica: Well, everyone in our school heard it.
Chandler: Everyone in my school heard it. You were the hermaphrodite cheerleader from Long Island?

Monica: And Ross, if it weren't for Rachel's rumor, I mean, no one in high school would even know who you were. She put you on the map!
Ross: As a romancer of the elderly!



"The One With The Football"

Plot: Not only does this episode mark one of the best Thanksgiving Day specials for the show, but it could arguably be one of the best "Friends" episodes ever. In season three, during their annual preparations for the turkey dinner, the story comes out about Ross and Monica's family football game "The Geller Bowl" in which the winner receives "The Geller Cup" (aka: as Chandler puts it, a nasty troll doll nailed to a 2x4.) It was only appropriate that a 3-on-3 game occurred, headed by some serious sibling rivalry between Ross and Monica.

Side plot: In the midst of the game, Chandler and Joey meet a Dutch woman who is supposed to be smoking hot but I, personally, found to be just weird looking. The football game is no longer the competition for these two, now it's all about who can score the Dutch girl. (Sidenote: It's revealed that Joey believes the Netherlands are a made up place where Tinker Bell and Peter Pan live -- and Joey thinks the woman's name is "Dutch.") Also, Rachel sucks at football and is always told to "go long" and Phoebe uses "the ladies" as a distraction technique after the game turns into a guys vs. gals showdown.

Best lines
Monica: All right people listen, I’ve got exactly twenty-eight minutes before I have to baste again.
Chandler: Wow! Just like in the pros.

Monica: Losers walk!
Ross: Yeah, losers talk!
Chandler: No, no, no, actually losers rhyme.

Monica: No! Listen, I’m not gonna go through this with you again, okay. Just once I wanna beat when you can’t blame it on the broken nose, the buzzer, or the fact that you thought you were getting mono. Let’s just call this, tie score and it’s halftime.
Ross: Okay, first of all, I don’t play with cheaters, and second of all, you know I had swollen glands!


"The One Where Ross Got High"

Plot: It's Thanksgiving at the newly dubbed Geller-Bing apartment! The two lovebirds host their first big event and try to keep the cohabitating news -- ahem, and the whole "we're dating" news -- from Mom and Pop Geller after the hidden fact emerges that Jack and
Judy Geller aren't fans of the Chan man. Ross admits the reason for their disapproval stemmed from a time in college where the two caught a wiff of Mary Jane and thought Ross was smoking the reefer. Ross corrected them by lying and saying Chandler was puffin' the cheeba and had just jumped out the window. Smooth.

Side plot: Perhaps an arguably equal main plot, Rachel is given the chance to cook her very first Thanksgiving dessert and chooses a traditional English trifle -- complete with beef, sauteed with peas and onions. (The recipe book's pages were stuck together, giving half the recipe for English trifle and half the recipe to Shepherd's Pie -- a fact new cook Rachel was not aware of.) Meanwhile, Phoebe takes her annual Thanksgiving Day nap only to have a steamy dream about one Jack Geller -- no longer just Monica and Ross' dad, now dream hunk! Oh, and Joey's new hot roommate Janice (played by Elle MacPherson) is hosting a party with her dancer friends and invites Ross and Joey who clearly, want to hang out with hot drunken dancers rather than the typical crew, so try and hurry through dinner and er, Rachel's meat-custard dessert.

Best lines
Chandler: What about all that "friends forever" stuff?
Ross: I don’t know, I was all high.

Ross: It tastes like feet!
Joey: I like it.
Ross: Are you kidding?
Joey: What’s not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Gooooood.

"The One With All the Thanksgivings"

Plot: Two words: Fat suit. Ah yes, the fifth season's Thanksgiving special marked the second brilliant appearance of Monica as the heffer Geller, big fat goalie and "cheater, cheater compulsive eater." As the crew tries to digest their latest Thanksgiving feast -- and not having enough energy to turn on the TV -- the group looks back at their worst Thanksgivings of all time. Before the show got lazy and became the king of flashback clip shows, it brought a trip down memory lane like a champ. With a few wardrobe changes from the '80s (and in Phoebe's case, mid-1800s), the group brought viewers never-before-seen flashbacks including a young Chandler learning of his parents divorce ("More turk-eee, Meester Chand-a-lerrr?"), Phoebe's missing limbs from two Thanksgiving Day wars and a post-nose job Rachel and recently slimmed down Monica plotting against Chandler for calling Monica fat the Thanksgiving before. Let’s just say Chandler has a little less to be thankful for that Thanksgiving Day.



Side-plots: In the final flashback, we learn that slimmed-down Monica plans to get her revenge on Chandler for calling her fat by seducing him, then laughing at him while he's naked. It doesn't go quite as planned. Monica's attempt to be sultry with a various kitchen objects ends with a knife going through Chandler's wicker shoe, severing his toe. At the hospital, Monica brings a carrot instead of the toe to be reattached, giving Chandler the same name of "Sir Limps A Lot." But the best sideplots (in our opinion) are the two random Phoebe wartime flashbacks in which she loses her limbs while screaming "gauze!" Trust us, it's hilarious.

Best Lines
Chandler: I am so sorry. I really am. I was an idiot back then. I rushed the stage at a Wham concert for crying out loud!

The Doctor: This isn't your toe, this is a small, very cold piece of carrot.
Rachel: You brought a carrot?!
Mrs. Geller: Oh my God! There's a toe in my kitchen.

On that note, Happy Thanksgiving. Try not to wear wicker shoes and remember that trifle doesn't include beef and onions.

-- Malavika Jagannathan, mjaganna@greenbaypressgazette.com and Sara Boyd, sboyd2@greenbaypressgazette.com

"Friends: The Movie"? Could there BE a worse idea?

Look at what Carrie Bradshaw hath wrought.

Hot on the Manolo Blahniks of the surprisingly successful (to we Y-chromosome types) "Sex and the City" movie, which made more money than any movie based on a recently retired TV show has any right to, London's Daily Mail is spewing this fevered nonsense about the possibility of — God help us — "Friends: The Movie."

According to "insiders," MailOnline says, "Cast members Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Matthew Perry, Matt LeBlanc, Lisa Kudrow and David Schwimmer will reprise their roles for a big-screen adaptation 'within the next 18 months.'" The cast is in fact "eager" to revisit their quirky characters, a mysterious "source" tells the highly dubious British fish-wrapping. The idea has been "bandied" about since the show folded in 2004, and Aniston was apparently the one dragging her heels for a big-screen version. But she's now "keen" to get started, says the Mail's phantom fact-finagler.

Basically, take this news with a grain of salt. Whether or not the Mail's "sources" pan out, the idea of watching a movie based a show about six 20-something pals when two of them (Kudrow and Cox) are in their mid-40s (with the rest not far behind) kinda seems ridiculous. Not to mention how the format of "Friends" is totally incompatible with a big-screen treatment. At least "Sex and the City" had the benefit of already looking like a movie when it was on the air (thank you, HBO.) "Friends," on the other hand, was sitcom to the core: laugh-track, multiple cameras, sound stages and all. Wouldn't a feature film be too much of a tonal shift for fans to accept?

I mean, I liked "Friends" all right ... when I was in high school. But let's be fair: Those annoying twits overstayed their welcome by about 4 seasons. You couldn't have paid me to watch those later episodes — there's no way I'm going to pay to see a movie.

Unless...

"Friends" Movie Pitch No. 1: "I Am Legend ... How You Doin'?" We open on a deserted and desolate New York City. The streets are dark, the buildings empty ... except for a solitary light emanating from a small, trendy coffee shop. It is here that our six heroes — the last living humans in Manhattan — have set up a makeshift fortress to protect themselves against the bloodthirsty mutant-vampire-zombies that roam the city at night. One by one the friends get picked off — in order of salary — until the dramatic conclusion, when Rachel must choose between sacrificing herself for the future of humanity, or giving herself a new haircut. (She ultimately goes with the new 'do.)

"Friends" Movie Pitch No. 2: "The One Where Ross Just Loses It" Let's face it: Ross has had to put up with a lot of crap. A good-natured shlub with a fairly short fuse, there has always been lurking within him the chance to one day SNAP and go on a rampage, a la Michael Douglas in "Falling Down." So when Rachel decides again that she wants to go on a break, Mr. Geller simply goes bugnuts. He straps on a couple AK-47s, a belt of hand grenades and a capuchin monkey and starts terrorizing the Lower East Side. After a week or so of bloody mayhem, he's captured by Homeland Security, sent to Guantanamo and held without trial.

"Friends" Movie Pitch No. 3: "The Friends Meet the Seinfeld Gang." In the tradition of great crossover movies like "The Jetsons Meet the Flintstones," this movie idea pretty much sells itself. Take the casts of the two most popular sitcoms of the past 20 years, and put them in a movie together! Jerry and Chandler could spend the whole time humorously over-inflecting their words; Kramer and Joey can have a crazy guy-off, and Elaine and Monica can stand within five feet of each other and explode from the force of their combined neuroses. I smell Oscar.

Got your own pitch for this stupid "Friends" movie? We'd love to hear them.

— Adam Reinhard, areinhard@greenbaypressgazette.com