Sponsored by:
Green Bay Press-Gazette

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Ray Combs Didn't Need No Stinkin' Celebrities!

Not to brag, but while playing an online game of "Family Feud" a few months back, I got every No. 1 answer on my first try during the "Fast Money" round. Yeah, let's see Larry the Cable Guy's mom try and duplicate that!

In case you haven't seen the glorious promos, NBC is pumping out a prime time "all-star" edition of "Family Feud" starting July 1. Normally I'd make fun of something like this, but in all honesty, the idea of a pitch meeting involving the words "Hosted By Al Roker," Peter Brady, Playboy Playmates, that Wolf guy from "American Gladiators" and Creed from "The Office" has me downright giddy.

It's no secret. I like my reality TV/game show hybrids to be as outlandish as possible, and already "Celebrity Family Feud" has several things going for it. Among them: Deion "Must Be The Money" Sanders' daughter "Deiondra," a confirmed racist in Dog the Bounty Hunter, Bruce Jenner's Botox-laden alien face, Wayne Newton's Botox-laden alien face, Joan Rivers' Botox-laden alien face, Ice T's wife and her silicone-laden alien ... face, confirmation that Corbin Bernsen is indeed still alive, Margaret Cho's need for TWO assistants, and Larry the Cable Guy's mom, Shirley, who is the only person who has seen both "Delta Farce" AND "Witless Protection" in their entirety.

(Wait, you did, too? Seriously. Stop reading this blog.)

Man, if only they could have assembled all these great ideas for an original reality TV premise called "I Survived a Japanese Game Show!" Oh wait ...

The celebrity match-ups are as follows:

Bill Engvall vs. Larry The Cable Guy

Bill Engvall; Wife, Gail; Daughter, Emily; Son, Travis; Bill's mom, Jeanne

Larry the Cable Guy; Cara the Cable Wife; Tom the Cable Brother; Debbie the Cable Sister; Shirley the Cable Mom

Vivica A. Fox vs. Mo'Nique

Vivica A. Fox; Sister, Alecia; Brother, Marvin; Brother, William; Niece, Sharday

Mo'Nique; Husband, Sidney; Her cousin, Eric; Her cousin, Terrance; Family friend, Rodney

"American Chopper" vs. Christopher Knight and Adrianne Curry

Paul Teutul; Son, Paul Jr.; Son, Mikey; Family friend, Steve; Family friend, Ron

Christopher Knight; Adrianne Curry; Family friend, Andrea; Adrianne's brother, Nick; Adrianne's mom, Christine

Corbin Bernsen vs. Margaret Cho

Corbin Bernsen; Wife, Amanda; Son, Oliver; Son, Henry; Son, Angus

Margaret Cho; Dad, Seung Hoon; Mom, Young Hie; Margaret's assistant, John; Margaret's assistant, Selene

The Kardashians vs. Deion Sanders

Kim Kardashian; Khloe Kardashian; Kourtney Kardashian; Bruce Jenner; Kris Jenner

Deion Sanders; Wife, Pilar; Son, Deion Jr.; Daughter, Deiondra; Deion's Aunt Annette

Ice T vs. The Rivers

Ice T; Wife, Coco; Son, Ice; Coco's mom, Tina; Family friend, Sean

Joan and Melissa Rivers; Joan's nephew, Andrew; Joan's assistant, Sabrina; Joan's niece, Caroline

Raven-Symone vs. Wayne Newton

Raven-Symone; Mom, Lydia; Rondell Sheridan, her TV Dad; Brother, Blaize; Tkeyah Crystal Keymah, her TV Mom

Wayne Newton; Wife, Kathleen; Daughter, Erin; Kathleen's mom, Marilyn; Kathleen's sister, Tricia

Tiki Barber vs. Ed McMahon

Tiki Barber; Wife, Ginny; Mom, Geraldine; Cousin, Geoff; Cousin, Tess

Ed McMahon; Wife, Pam; Son, Alex; Granddaughter, Alexandra; Pam's brother, Sandy

The Hickeys from "My Name Is Earl" vs. The Camden County All-Stars from "My Name Is Earl"

Earl (Jason Lee); Randy (Ethan Suplee); Joy (Jaime Pressly); Darnell (Eddie Steeples); Catalina (Nadine Velazquez)

Tim Stack; Patty (Dale Dickey); Kenny James (Greg Binkley); Nescobar A-Lop-Lop (Abdoulaye Ngom); Tim Stack's agent (Greg Garcia)

"The Office" vs. "American Gladiators"

Brian Baumgartner; Phyllis Smith; Kate Flannery; Oscar Nunez; Creed Bratton

Laila Ali; Wolf; Jet; Venom; Titan

Vincent Pastore vs. "Girls Next Door"

Vincent Pastore; Ex-wife, Nancy; Daughter, Renee; Renee's fiance, Christopher; Family friend, Kathrine

Bridget Marquardt; Holly Madison; Kendra Wilkinson; Sara Underwood; Jayde Nicole

Kathie Lee Gifford vs. Dog The Bounty Hunter

Kathie Lee; Frank Gifford; Son, Cody; Daughter, Cassidy; Frank's granddaughter, Christina

Dog the Bounty Hunter; Wife, Beth; Son, Duane Jr.; Son, Leland; Daughter, Lyssa

"Things you shouldn't call African-Americans when your son is secretly recording your phone conversations?" No. 1 answer, Dog? DING! DING! DING!

Yeah, there really isn't much more to say. This is the new frontier for cheap programming, and for the potential comedy factor, it'll probably draw viewers who have nothing better to watch during the summer. I can only hold out hope for "Celebrity Scrabble" and a long-awaited battle between noted wordsmiths Mr. T and Gary Busey.

-- Thomas Rozwadowski,



Give me Richard Dawson! Seriously, can you just see a 76-year-old Richard kissing any of the lady gladiators or Dog's female relatives and making lascivious comments? Ratings gold mine, that's what I see.

By Blogger Ms. Quarter, At June 19, 2008 at 8:42 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home